#I watch in horror as I realise people I know in real life know of this account knowing darn well I’ve drowned them in this art already
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
sunfizzzle · 8 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
I float down, handing you art, specially demon slayer art from over the months. (Oh god it’s so easy to tell via the style differences)
Mild demon slayer spoilers ig?? Idk 🥺 oh and ocs, the horror!
Tumblr media
My guys my guys (screenshot redraw >:D)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
And some butter and flies (idk how to move images in tumblr HELPPPP)
Tumblr media
And my sister and I’s oc guys.
Tomorrow? Who knows. But isn’t the unpredictability what makes this fun?
4 notes · View notes
deathbxnny · 7 months ago
Note
*Yanqing angst lurker sneaks in*
Congrats on the followers.
May I please request Yanqing and Jing Yuan Headcannons with an S/O who came from a planet that the Xianzhou ravaged/killed? Like, their planet received Yaoshi’s blessing and were healed (still going to die of old age, but not in a painful way) but then these massive ships came down from the sky and killed their people? Their people, who were farmers and weavers and storytellers who stood no chance of fighting back.
The absolute betrayal they feel when they learn that their partner took pride in that?
Oof, imma break that boys heart.
(They don’t plan to hurt anyone on the Xianzhou. They literally just trying to live with the trauma and survivors guilt.)
Oooh I really love this idea, Anon!! Thank you for the request and I hope you'll like this!<33
Content: Heavy angst, talks of vague trauma regarding survivors guilt, non-descriptive genocide, hurt/no comfort, established relationships, break ups?, sfw
Reader has no set pronouns!!
((Not proofread))
Tumblr media
》YANQING
Tumblr media Tumblr media
You tried your best to tell yourself that Yanqing would never feel pride in your people's genocide. You were so awfully desperate to believe in it, despite never having the courage to ask him directly. He was so proud of who he was and what the Luofu stood for. You knew it was foolish in the end to wish he'd think what happened was wrong... but somehow, you still felt shocked and heartbroken when he expressed his pride.
He didn't know any better, it's just how he was raised, you reasoned again, and yet your rage came as a surprise to the both of you. Perhaps it was because you were sick of hiding who you were in fear, the terror and guilt all consuming as you attempted to bury it within you with whatever was left of your past identity. It hurt to be a human when it was stripped from you the second your peaceful planet became the enemy.
Yanqing was shocked by your outburst, of course, all pride melting off his shoulders in horror. He never expected this from you, and most importantly, he never expected his own s/o to be a part of the enemies he was taught to hate so much. It pulled the veil of deceit off his head and made him question everything he had ever been told. Who was the real enemy here? It broke him to realise that the Luofu had actually done something wrong. He never thought that that was possible.
He watches you run off crying, his body frozen in fear from the betrayal and uncertainty of what to do with himself now that he knew the truth. Yanqing doesn't follow you immediately, mainly because he'll be too ashamed to show his face around you. He felt disgusted with himself and therefore takes a while to reflect on his and his people's actions, which eventually leads him to go question the general with a certain air of vengeance for the lies he'd been told.
He'd accept you breaking up with him with a heavy heart, knowing that it was ultimately for the best. Yanqing would never tell anyone about your identity, deciding that he'd simply atone and, in turn, protect the last person from an innocent planet they had wronged as a form of self punishment. He understands your pain and vows to wait for you, even if you'll never forgive him.
Tumblr media
》JING YUAN
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The general was proud of himself and the Luofu for all it stood no matter what. Every battle he was in, whether won or lost, he wore on his chest proudly all the same. With that said, I still doubt he'd agree with a complete genocide of a planet, even if he publicly would have to. And he knew what you were from the day he met you as well. Not that he let you know that.
His guilt only slowly developed over time for what he believed was a horribly wrong act against people who couldn't even defend themselves. But the worst of it was seeing the effect it had on you, the person he loved more than life itself. He had sworn his soul to you, and yet there was something so twisted with how he had to stand so tall and string for the decisions of his own people. He was disgusted with it way more than anyone would expect him to be. It made him near self-deprecating.
He was waiting for your outburst, for you to finally explode and tell him how much you hated him and his people. He acknowledged that your people accepted the blessing out of necessity and who could blame you in the end? You did what was best for you, even if it was deemed as wrong. But despite knowing all that, he still stayed to be a hypocrite when you did finally yell and scream at him in rage over making an insensitive comment at a dinner gathering.
He doesn't go after you when you break off the relationship, his heart aching for him to move, to chase you down, and plead for forgiveness. But this was all a part of his plan. He wanted you to leave the Luofu and go somewhere where you could be happier, where you wouldn't be reminded of your pain every day. Even if it was without him.
Your identity is a secret, one not even the worst torture could get out of him. He may be betraying his own people now as well, but as you leave him behind in his office, he comes to the realization that he was used to it by now.
Tumblr media
Alrighttt... I hope this was okay, Anon!! I made it super angsty, but it also just fit too well. Thank you again for the request btw!!
217 notes · View notes
can-of-w0rmz · 2 years ago
Text
It’s always so interesting to me how so many people tend to look at protagonists’ reactions in 19th century gothic media and immediately slap a label on them as “over-dramatic” or “weak”, when in reality I don’t think we (as a society) know what we’re talking about. I think our society is collectively desensitised to concepts, and what I mean by that is that the concept of a story like Dracula or Frankenstein isn’t something that we’d ever bat an eye at because it’s been so ingrained into our very understanding or the concept of basic modern horror premises that we no longer appreciate it for what it is, and I’ve been guilty of it too. So a lot of people take the protagonists reactions to their circumstances, and paint it as melodrama or even worse, get high and mighty and claim that if THEY were in that scenario, they would NEVER do something so stupid, right?
But I need you to take a minute to actually think about the positions these characters are in. We’ve become so desensitised to these concepts, but if we were actually in those positions in real life we would probably not be able to handle them half as well as some of these characters. For example, Dracula. Sure, guy goes to stay in spooky castle, client turns out to be a vampire, pretty standard, easy to point at Jonathan Harker’s decisions and blame him. Oh Jonathan, don’t you know walking through an abandoned castle when your client tells you not to is bound to get you hurt? Don’t you know going to a remote area with villagers crossing themselves every five seconds is dangerous?
But actually think about this. You’re a solicitor, you have a fiancée back home and you need this job. You meet your client, he’s a little creepy, you feel unsafe, but you need this job. What are you going to do, turn back and tell your employer you couldn’t do it because the vibes were off? Obviously not. You suck it up. Then slowly, your world starts collapsing around you and slowly getting smaller as you find yourself trapped inside this man’s house and you slowly come to the realisation that you are being held captive in the house of a creepy old man who has access to all the rooms in the house, including your own, and can enter it at any time, in a secluded area far away from everyone, and with no hope of reaching out for help. He has the power to do anything to you, and you’re completely helpless, and does. You are going to die there and none of your loved ones will ever know what happened to you. Your abuser might even fabricate your identity or conduct a lie to ruin all memory of you forever. Then things get worse, and you realise that your abuser and captor isn’t even human. Throw in the infanticide and assault scenes, and that is a horrifying scenario, and I don’t think some people fully recognise that when they read it.
The very same with Frankenstein, oh haha, Victor gets ill often, look at him fainting every five minutes, what a whiny bitchboy, right? But Jesus Christ, again, think about this scenario that he’s in properly. My guy digs up corpses, brings them to his dorm room and stitches them together, only for him to bring said corpses to life and watch his inanimate amalgamation of dead bodies come to life in your house. Now again, imagine cutting up corpses and sewing them together. If you can’t manage that, imagine a friend of yours came to you and told you that they’d been stealing corpses, cutting them up, and sewing them together, and they now have an 8ft tall giant amalgamation or corpses in their room. Now imagine going to their house and seeing that amalgamation of corpses. Good luck not passing out and vomiting all over their bedroom floor, and extra good luck not needing extreme psychiatric care afterwards. Again, corpses. I’m willing to bet half the people here have never even seen a corpse, and this isn’t even freshly-dead-grandma-in-the-coffin, these are decomposing and rotting corpses of real human beings. Observed. And some corpses cut up. And pieced together. Into a giant corpse. Genitalia included. Intestines included. Everything else included. And then that corpse then starts killing everyone you’ve ever loved and you have the added guilt that it IS it’s own person and you’ve abandoned it.
Which of course, could lead me into a whole separate rant, on how I believe that Victor’s flaw doesn’t lie in his horror at his own actions, and his fainting and illness and whatnot, but rather at his deliberate avoidance of the consequences of those actions – (horrifying as they may have been to come to terms with, his avoidance ultimately led to the mental distress and death of tons of completely innocent people, and his avoidance, however difficult, was still very much wrong and Victor is still very much to blame for it) – as well as the mania and obsessive justification he kept using to reach that goal. Although again, it could be argued there was avoidance in that as well – Victor pasting clinical lenses over all his actions, ignoring his family and friends, which ultimately all caught up with him. It’s my reading that Victor isn’t to blame whatsoever because he’s “over dramatic” or that “whiny”, he has every right to be severely traumatised by his experiences, however much his own fault they may be, he is to blame because at every turn where he could have faced his actions and confided in a friend or likewise, he did not, and it led to the deaths of everyone he loved. Except for Ernest, who likely then had to live with the death of his entire family.
But that’s a side rant – my primary point is, I genuinely do not remotely believe that authors in the past were really any more “emotional” or “melodramatic” than we are today. The only difference is that because the premise of these plots have been so deeply engrained into our society, we do not understand how horrifyingly traumatising these situations are by nature and dismiss them out of hand. Dracula did not exist yet when Dracula was being written. Frankenstein did not exist yet when Frankenstein was being written. Don’t come looking to read old gothic literature expecting a camp B-list horror film, and then call the characters over-dramatic when they react like average actual human beings to absolutely horrific scenarios.
And what’s more with regard to general more open affection between friends in older books, no it isn’t unrealistic, we’re all just cynical assholes now. (There’s a limit, obviously. Some characters are just raging homosexuals and there’s no other explanation. “His form so divinely wrought and beaming with beauty” my ass alright now just admit you had gay sex and be done with it)
976 notes · View notes
kpchrs · 1 year ago
Text
In 18 years of his life, Coriolanus never meets his soulmate, unlike Tigris and her sweetheart, Festus and Persephone, or even Pluribus and Cyrus. He doesn't mind it, though. Soulmates would just distract him from what matters the most.
That changes when he sees Lucy Gray Baird getting slapped on screen and he feels the sting on his cheek.
or
Soulmate AU of Snowbaird
Yes, so, can someone please write this? lololol
My friends and I talked about this and I can't hold it back any longer.
We think that the connected pain kind of soulmate system would be the most interesting in a world with Hunger Games.
We also think that all this time, with the classism this world has, the Capitol taught the children that soulmates only run with blood/heritage/class whatever so Capitols will only have Capitol soulmates; and District with District soulmates, but it's not rare to not have one.
But no, actually Capitols can have their soulmate somewhere out there in the Districts. They never find out because, well, Capitols never really meet/see District people. (Propaganda: the Capitol desperately wants to hide this because it will break the "balance". They need to divide the Capitol and Districts, you see.)
Coryo has the pleasure of meeting his "District/Covey" soulmate via Hunger Games and it will bend his mind and turn his beliefs/mindset upside down. It will challenge his worldview of the Capitol and District and what is safe and not.
He has the pleasure of feeling all the pain Lucy Gray gets from the Games. The hunger pangs double and somewhere in his teenage mind, he thinks that starving together is romantic. Eating comforts him, though, because then her hunger will lessen a bit. Lucy Gray feels his pain too, from the bombing burn (the moment when she realises he's her soulmate) and, depending on where you derive the source, from the stitches he pulls out to save her.
He has the pleasure of thoughts (terror, horror, dread) assaulting his mind of what will happen to him if Lucy Gray dies in the arena and he watches helplessly as that happens. Cheating suddenly has a stronger basis for Coryo, because she needs to live or he dies, figuratively.
And for the same reason, Lucy Gray has one more reason to fear death. His pain will comfort Lucy Gray ironically, because feeling his pain will feel like he's there with her in the arena. It keeps her going.
And so he cheats and what you know happens. Coryo is banished to the Districts. But the sweetness will start there.
(Coryo's "his girl"ism will be official (officially written in the stars, I mean they are literally soulmates) and he will "HIS GIRL" so hard in this AU.)
The ending? Well...it can be a happy ending. Sweet, happy, sugary. It takes a soulmate system for him to sort out his priorities, it looks like.
Or Coriolanus can fight against the stars. And what happens in the woods happens.
He kills his own soulmate. Dead. Gone. Silence. And nothing happens, it seems, this soulmate thing is such a joke. He feels stupid for worrying about it in the past, because it turns out it has no effect on him.
(When actually his heart dies.)
But in the decades and decades after, he still feels pain from invisible wounds. Phantom pain, tactile hallucination, hauntings, or real? Is this a mental thing, is this punishment from the stars, or is she alive and well?
If she's still alive, when he harms himself (poison, dying, mouth sores), does she feel it too? (Does he haunt her too?) Should he tear up the woods, to cut the loose ends and to stop the madness of this uncertainty?
Well.
We will never know.
121 notes · View notes
scaly-freaks · 7 months ago
Text
inmate 13453
okay don't get excited, i just felt like writing a bit of a drabble to feel out the atmosphere of a potential start to this au (clicking the tag will give up the other stuff i've posted for it btw)
btw check out the playlist and the pinterest board made by @theageofsilver and @allicentsallure bc they're fab
Tumblr media Tumblr media
cw: kidnapping
Soft seventeen.
Bambi eyes, bambi legs.
There’s a certain edge to the way people describe the age she’s at. Not quite eighteen, not quite legal, tangible as cherry juice on greedy fingers. She isn’t sixteen, sweet and tender. It’s a soft first step into adulthood, skirting the border, the in between, the unknowable horrors that lie ahead.
She fucking hates being seventeen.
It’s a shit number first of all. Odd numbers make her want to spew. They feel like nails on a chalkboard, polyester static on leg hair. She can’t even dance, so whatever ABBA are singing about doesn’t apply.
Amara sticks out her tongue and tastes the air as the breeze blows west. She swears she can get a sense of the world when she does.
Her stepfather mocks her for it. That blue-eyed, blonde maniac with the ugly Buick Electra he treats like a brand-name Italian from the southern coasts of Europe. He used to treat her mother the same. Until he began to tell Amara you look just like her when she was young. He leaves his porn tabs open on his computer, as if he wants her to know. ‘Teen’, ‘Latina’, ‘Stepfather’, ‘Rough’, ‘Face-fucking’, ‘Breeding.’
She doesn’t have a drop of Hispanic blood in her.
She really wants to tell her mother, but there is a chance her mother will look right through her instead. She’s been doing that a lot more nowadays. They can’t afford her meds anymore. She just sits on the porch and watches and waits. For what, is anyone's guess.
>> can you pick me up?
>> its dark
>> pls
>> sorry ik its inconvienant
'Step-Daddy' always replies quickly when it’s her. He has a heart next to her name on his phone. She never agreed to that.
>> it’s spelled inconvenient
“Suck my dick,” Amara tells the screen and switches her phone off before he can message again.
She can walk.
The route back runs dangerously close to the edge of the forest. All kinds rot away in there, but she doesn’t like to think of them by name. They’ll become real if she does. She wishes her mother had found a man who lived in the wetlands, and not here at the cursed border between life and the realm beyond. Marshes are easier to understand. Forests are cursed.
Still, life is horribly simple here. Her high school is placid and filled with the dull-eyed children of dull-eyed adults. The gas station where she works didn’t bother to interview her. She walked in and the guy behind the counter stared at her breasts until he remembered she had a face. Her breasts aced the interview for her.
Can I work here? Just until I graduate.
Sure, grab a nametag.
Four months later, and she doesn’t mind it anymore. Her brain shuts off. Her customers are a ragtag mixture of suspicious, ferret-eyed locals and the occasionally buoyant hiker from out of state. If she doesn’t look like she belongs, she’s pretty, and that usually gives people like her a pass. At least until the sleazy comments become ethnically charged. But even then, Amara has a way of making her eyes go ‘dopey’ and just smiling like she’s too slow to understand. Displaying discomfort is what eggs them on (kind of a nasty realisation she opened her eyes to one day).
An engine growls some way down the road.
Old Chevy pickup, faded gold.
She recognises it from the parking lot at the station near the end of her shift.
A guy stepped out, young, early twenties, with a shock of hair that looked white until she realised it was just really, really blonde. She remembers thinking it was odd. The range of blondes in town runs from deep and dirty to the artificial bleach rattled out of holographic boxes of dye. No one has hair like his. She’d have noticed.
His eyebrows were a little darker, and his lashes were darker still. He had a funny way of walking, and he looked at her like she had the head of a fish and the body of a human being. Amara did her best dopey eyes. She asked him if he’d had a good day, pointed out the offers they had on pork rinds. He didn’t say a word. His skin had smears of black grease, glistening with sweat and bronzed by the sun.
Deep blue eyes.
Horribly deep.
Not the kind you’d want to swim in. She likes a softer blue, blue like chlorine, reminiscent of the safety of swimming pools. His were anything but.
She picks up her speed, and for some reason, puts her phone to her ear as if mid-conversation. Nothing about him said he was dangerous at the time. At least not from the way he’d barely said a word or looked down at her body. He was just there, and then he was gone.
And now here he is again.
The Chevy hits the horn. He is creeping closer. Amara turns and waves at him to go on. She doesn’t want a ride. Why isn’t he rolling down the window to offer one though?
It slows to a crawl. Her throat closes up. She has a feeling speeding up will give him what he wants. He’s obviously trying to be a prick. But if she goes back to talk to him, that would be exponentially worse. She switches her phone back on and sees her stepfather’s message telling her to get back home herself after she didn’t reply to tell him her location.
She quickly shoots him a message, and prays he’ll respond.
He doesn’t.
Fuck it.
She walks faster. The Chevy matches the increase. Sweat blooms on the back of her neck.
Every woman has that oh fuck moment. That I’m going to be on the evening news moment. The please god if he catches me let him kill me before he gets to raping me moment.
None of that goes through her head. She keeps thinking of her mother’s cooking. Her mother hasn’t cooked in a year and a half, not since her mind began to slip. But Amara can taste the spices on her tongue, the way the rice was perfectly simmered, the cinnamon in the back of her throat, the smell that clung to the walls, the heat of it.
I wanna come home, Momma.
Her mother’s face gathers into shape in her head, built with sand particles and saltwater. When the Chevy roars, she starts running. Her mother vanishes.
The lights of the truck blink across the tarmac. It’s a signal. But it isn’t for her.
She looks over her shoulder, and she can’t see him.
Run me over. Leave me like carrion on the road. Let the maggots eat me. Don’t cut me up first.
He slows when she starts to tire out. Picks up when she tries again. No other car has graced this road since she first turned onto it. A sign points her to the right, ushering her deeper into the backwoods. The town is to the left.
He figures out where she’s going when she suddenly makes a dash for the bend in the road.
There’s no time to dodge the pickup when it goes for her this time. The wheels skid as he yanks it at an angle and blocks her way. The door flies open and misses her by an inch. His arm grabs for her. She dodges, animal fear and rust on her tongue. He still doesn’t say a word.
A heavy fist connects with the small of her back and she drops like a stone.
The pain is electric. Air turns her lungs into taut balloons, but she can’t make a sound. She twists around and the bruise forming over her spine grates. Adrenaline quickly numbs it as she lashes out with her arms and legs. Kicking, punching, scratching, biting. Her teeth hit home. A mouthful of tattooed flesh, car oil and sweat. Still no sound from him.
She never sees the fist coming, just like last time.
A blow to the head and lights out, nancy.
58 notes · View notes
beifong-brainrot · 1 year ago
Text
Sure we can rag on Bolin for not realising he joined the Earth Kingdom equivalent of the Nazi party and call him an idiot for it (deserved) but honestly I can't really fault him for it?
Like the ostrich effect is a thing and we are watching it in full effect here. We've seen that Bolin is a character that deals very poorly with conflict. Like it's super obvious he'd avoid standing up to Kuvira as much as he could.
One of Bolin's biggest hurdles as a character is that he is looking for a purpose, the rest of team Avatar having 'found themselves'. So it's not out of character for him to join Kuvira.
I feel like he's also compensating for the loss of Korra, who was in recovery at the time by following Kuvira.
It's very obvious that Korra had a huge impact on Bolin's life, as she did with all of Team Avatar. But Bolin had definetly attached himself very strongly to her. He's been following Mako around his entire life, been a follower for most of his life. And then his first real friendship outside of family follows a similar pattern.
Korra is like the perfect character for Bolin to project his weird codependency thing onto. She's an effortless leader, very forceful, decisive and straightforward. Someone who he can easily listen to and carve out a path he can follow. And following the Avatar around allows him to do something worthwile and good. To actually help. With the added benefit that it gets him people's approval, something he so clearly desperately needs and craves.
Then Korra becomes so injured that she has to be placed in physical therapy for an indeterminate ampunt of time.
So Bolin projects that need and codependency on someone else. Kuvira. In his argument with Mako he states it clear as day: 'I mean, Kuvira is basically just like Korra. She might seem hard to deal with, but just because she's so passionate and believes in what she's doing.'
He gets to continue doing good and making people like him while under very clear orders he can follow.
I mean, this boy is traumatised. Clearly, Mako took the brunt of the horrors of their childhood, but it would be incredibly stupid to say that Bolin isn't fucked up as well. Clearly in a different way but fucked up nonetheless. I think this codependency thing is something both brothers benefitted from as kids but that's a conversation for another day.
And the events of the first three books are also traumatic?
Like he's just been part of a civil war/end of the world so excuse him for hoping to catch a break. I will once again refer you to the ostrich effect. Another war breaking out is probably like worst case scenario in his mind.
I feel like for him, if he opens his eyes to what Kuvira is doing is accepting that there is once again a 'big conflict' in his life. And that his loved ones are once again in danger. And worse, that he's contributed to it.
I can also see it all being a case of 'well ive waded neck deep into this swamp, now i gotta see this through'. Like he's sunk so much time and energy into this cause, it can't be all wrong, right?
Sure, ego is probably a big part of his behaviour. Everyone is telling him that Kuvira is bad and that automatically puts up the defences. Bit I can see how these warnings feel like a direct personal attack at Bolin himself. He was also incredibly isolated from most of his friends when serving Kuvira. Other than Zhu Li and Varrick, who aren't exactly peers.
So he's lonely on a train most of his time and when he does reuinte with his loved ones they start criticising his life choices . I can see him getting defensive and automatically resistant to critisism.
And Kuvira is also shown to be very good at emotuonal manipulation and threats and stuff. And Bolin, a chronic people pleaser whith a lot of trauma is, like, the perfect victim for those shenanigans. Bolin is canonically bad at reading situations that are detrimental to him (look at the entirety of his relationship with Eska)
You know, sure, he's an idiot for staying with her as long as he did. But it's not as black and white as a lot of people make it out to be?
161 notes · View notes
thecartoonrambler · 8 months ago
Text
Why Wander is such an important character
Tumblr media
Very long post below!
Ill be rambling about Wander over Yonder, specifically, WANDER!!
The show in itself is already amazing, the episodes are short and fun, each character is oozing with personality and fun interactions and there are always ways in which it is all connected. Further on the animation of the show and overall look is absolutely adorable!
Tumblr media
For me personally, Wander is simply such an important character and not for few reasons.
I love that Wander's silly happy go lucky personality is so addictive. He's a happy person, who gets happy by helping others in need, even to points where he gets himself in trouble (every episode LOL) But regardless i think they are such an important character traits to have (Happiness, altruism, Optimism).
In today's depressing and violent world, where everyone just fights with each other, a character like Wander can be a sense of hope or inspiration!
Tumblr media
Of course, many main characters have these traits as well, but i think a key difference between Wander and many other optimist protagonists lies in their EXPERIENCE IN LIFE!
These other protags are innocent, naive optimists, because they haven't experienced "the real world" yet. And while it makes sense to have characters like these (as an allegory to growing up), they get really tiring and repetitive really quickly. They also commonly showcase optimism and naivety to go hand in hand. And its why a lot if people commonly believe that "realsim" is inherently "pessimistic" (it isn't btw. Theres good and bad in life, denying theres good, is denying reality)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Its extremely refreshing to have a main character like Wander, actually be hinted at being millennias old, repeatedly converting villains to good throughout the eons, out of a sense of duty (and perhaps also Pacifist revenge for his childhood, where its hinted that his entire planet was destroyed and he was the only survivor.)
not only is this also something that one learns, the more one watches (keeping the viewer intrigued) but the fact that so much about Wander's life and past is a mystery is what makes him a fascinating character. At first glance hes just some helpful guy, and the more you learn about him, the more you more you think "who is this guy?" Not in a negative way, but in a complete curiosity. Is it possible he's as old as the universe himself? If so does he know it? Who is he? What actually happened in his past? How did he live before his hat? Was there a time he wasn't as helpful? What caused him to change? Who is he? But at the same time, the viewer doesn't NEED to know. Theres no stress to, no hurry to uncover a mystery. Its like "mystery but it's actually completely low-key". I like that. (Im the kind to get into conspiracy theories or get crazy over plot holes, so the show managing this is insane)
Traits like these, especially in contrast to their personality being so so happy, child-like, goofy, charitable, it makes for an extremely interesting and fascinating character, that one doesn't commonly see in media! Which is really awesome! Someone that's seen so much horrors, lived through civil wars, yet tries to help a skeleton get together with a butch lesbian??
Its awesome!
Tumblr media
Other that just that alone, he's helped me out personally! He in many ways reminds me of myself as a kid, i too was altruistic, always trying to help, struggled to say no, was positive and happy go-lucky and adventurous (well, as all kids i suppose), recently rediscovering the show made me realise how much i missed those personality traits in myself. That i had hidden them away, due to people making fun of me of being "too naive" and "too childish". Eventually Making me not talk to people really, and develop really bad self esteem. Rediscovering this show, and specifically how these "childish" traits can be seen in a very positive charming light, helped me realise that being scared of "coming off wierd", "coming off as toxic positivity" will always be worse than not being positive.... At all.
Ive heard from other people too that this show has helped them through tough times, and allowed them to reconnect with more positive thought patterns. Which is why i think characters like Wander are insanely important for media!!
Too much is too depressing all the time! We can create media (ESPECIALLY ADULT MEDIA) that isnt depressed. Positivity and happiness are not a crime! And im so glad a character like Wander exists to exhibit that!
Tumblr media
124 notes · View notes
accioprocrastination · 1 year ago
Text
One Day At A Time (Part 4/?)
Jake Seresin x Reader
Summary: Hangman's POW fiancée attempts a prison break and Jake gets the call he been longing for
A/N: Sorry I don't think this could've taken much longer to write!!
T/W: Anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD, POW, gun violence, hints to torture, death
Tumblr media
Reader POV -
You don't give yourself time to strategise, you grab the boy's hand and Ghost's jacket and force them to follow you. You're back tracking through the building to a side door you noticed when you fell.
The sound of your heart hammering in your chest is the only thing you can focus on while your hand tremors above the door handle. You force yourself to ignore your rising panic and make a silent prayer that this door is unlocked.
Ghost echoes your sigh of relief when you try the door and it quietly swings open. You quickly survey the surrounding area from the doorway: there's no other guards in your eye line, and no visible watch towers that cover this section of the camp as far as you can tell from this vantage point.
Directly ahead, a few hundred metres away if you had to guess, you see a break in the fence and a small seating area just beyond it. They have a makeshift smoking area.
"Let's go." you say, not waiting for a response before breaking out into a sprint.
It's eerily quiet as you lift part of the chain fence, forcing it wide enough for the boy to shuffle through. Ghost watched in horror as you do not react to the metal cutting into your palms.
You gesture for Ghost to go first and he obliges. You feel blood start to run down your wrists as you force the metal to gape open wider.
Ghost visibly jumps when a second round of gunfire bellows from the building behind you. You shudder at the thought of them killing the people you left behind.
How can anyone have such little regard for human life? You've not encountered a single person here who looks marginally remorseful for their actions.
The wait for Ghost to get through the fence feels like a lifetime.
They're going to come for me, please move. You mentally chastise Ghost for the hold up.
Fear threatens to swallow you as you hear the back door burst open. It hits the wall with such a monstrous thud, that you feel the sound ricochet through your body.
"Don't turn around." Ghost warns you.
Both of you know the door is close enough that anyone with half decent aim could shoot you right now.
Ghost lets go of the fence and you feel your heart sink for a second thinking after all of this he could just leave you right now.
It takes you a minute to realise he's moving to get himself out of the firing line. He drops down to hold the fence at a much lower angle.
You're thrown against the fence as a blistering pain radiates through your shoulder.
"Go." you instruct Ghost, ringing blaring in your right ear.
"I'm not leaving you here Seresin." He says grabbing you through the fence and forcing you downwards.
You army crawl through the fence screaming from the pain of the bullet wound. "I'm not a Seresin." You say as soon as you're through the fence.
Ghost hoists you upright. "Not yet." He says with a small smile plastered on his lips.
The next few minutes are a blur - you're hazy from blood loss and running when none of you are in peak physical condition. It takes the three of you fucking ages to cover even the smallest of distances.
Every few yards Ghost slows down panting and coughing like he can't get enough air to his lungs which you know is a very real possibility now that he's sick.
You keep walking waiting for him to catch up - clutching your arm to maintain pressure.
The roaring of wardens behind you is getting closer and closer with every passing minute.
You've got to get out of this forest.
You need to get to a hospital.
Even if you meet your own version of Kathy Bates in Misery you'll have a higher chance of survival than if the guards catch you.
The two of you know from how many planes you've seen overhead since being moved to that camp that there has to be an air base nearby.
You either keep walking and hope to stumble upon it or find someone, anyone to help you.
Knowing the latter is unlikely you decide to just head to the edge of the forest.
You need to find civilisation.
Arguing breaks out nearby as the wardens question what direction you may have gone. Ghost rapidly responds halting you and placing a hand lightly over the boys mouth to muffle his weeping.
I don't know where to go. I don't know what direction will lead me out of here.
You silently stand behind trees hoping if you're quiet enough the men on your heels will give up and let you go home.
Reaching into your jumpsuit you grab the broken locket and stare at Jake's happy face.
I'll come back to you, you mentally promise him releasing a shuddering sigh in absolute dread over whatever you're going to have to do to get out of here.
*
Jake POV -
Hangman doesn't hear the phone ring from where he stands bickering the in garden with Rooster.
Javy on the other hand is inside, engaged in a discussion about his best friend with Bob and Phoenix. Trace looks at him knowingly, "are you going to get that or shall I because we both know Hangman is not in the mood to talk to someone else." she says.
Coyote gestures for her to hand him the phone. He instantly regrets having the responsibility when he answers the call from Admiral Simpson saying he needs to speak to Jake directly.
Knowing he cannot say this is not a good time to the admiral, Coyote pops his head of the sliding doors and calls for Jake.
"Work is beckoning you." He informs Hangman who instantly stands up straighter.
"Why?" He asks knowing his paranoia made him check that he had today off nine-thousand times.
The minuscule walk from the barbecue to Javy holding the phone out of the door is enough for Jake to plaster on his bravado. Whatever presumably horrible thing someone Is about to say on this phone call, cannot hurt me.
Jake puts the the phone to his ear and it's like everything else is in slow motion.
"At 16:00 on Tuesday an unauthorised fighter plane flew over the California. The plane had no coms with the US Airforce but landed upon request at a private airport." Cyclone starts.
Jake remains quiet, wondering what the hell does this have to do with me?
"The woman who was flying the plane has not been identified and was unconscious by the time that she was removed from the plane." He says.
Okay, and? Jake thinks still unsure on how this relates to him.
"The police have contacted all of the different defence agencies to see whether anyone has an MIA pilot matching her description." Cyclone continues.
"I am at the hospital and she is unrecognisable." He states making Jake even more confused.
"Sorry Sir but I am not seeing how I factor into this?" Jake speaks up not caring about the consequences of interrupting him.
"I am going to be honest and say you might not but I need you to tell me if this sounds familiar. The woman had a locket in her possession - the photo is tiny and dirty so I'm not saying this with any kind of certainty but it looks like you in the picture." Cyclone stops talking.
You're alive.
"I'm j-" Cyclone starts talking again but Jake interrupts.
"What hospital?" Jake asks feeling like he's barely breathing.
Simpson reels off the name.
"I'm on my way." Jake mutters.
Without saying anything to the others, he runs into the house and grabs his car keys from the bowl in the kitchen that he always shoves them in.
"Where are you going?" Javy questions as Jake grabs a jacket off the back of the door.
"I've got to go but I'll be back soon. You guys don't have to go... if you do, take the spare keys to lock up and then post them through the door - I don't know how long I'm going to be." He states shoving on the jacket before sprinting up the stairs to grab his backpack. He empties it onto the bed quickly - for once in his life not caring about being neat as he shakes it out.
He swings open the door to your half of the wardrobe and picks out your joggers and one of his t-shirts alongside underwear, socks and your trainers. Just in case you have to stay longer he grabs toothpaste, your toothbrush, deodorant and a scrunchie from the box of your stuff still sat in the bathroom cupboard.
"That'll do." he mutters running down the stairs and out the door before anyone can stop him.
Jake's fairly sure he's been caught by at least one speed camera as he steps out of his car in the hospital parking lot. He speed walks to the reception only nudging one person of out the way to get here as quickly as possible.
He asks for your room number and ward before breaking out into another run when he gets the answer.
Admiral Simpson and a ton of police officers and random other officials stand in the corridor and Jake knows that means you're in the room behind them.
"Lieutenant Seresin?" One of the police officers asks.
Jake nods, "Hi."
"You're right, he does look like the picture." One of the others says to Cyclone.
"Before we take you in to identify her, please can you come with us to somewhere more private?" Cyclone asks.
"Yes Sir." Jake responds.
*
Jake cannot sit still as the detectives start talking. He's aware that everyone in the room is hyper focused on him so he will not stop twitching.
"Can I see the locket?" He questions nervously.
Jake can see a crushed looking pendant but nothing more as the detective reaches for it.
They push it towards him on the table and Jake could cry looking at the state of your first anniversary present.
"That's Nova's" He confirms opening the plastic bag to have a better look.
"That's us moving me into her really old apartment." Jake elaborates.
"I was told she was killed in action." Jake says tears silently falling down his face.
He sniffs and wipes them angrily away.
"We don't know that the woman in that room is her, but whoever that is we think they were POW." Cyclone theorises.
"When she went down she was with her weapons system officer - was anyone else in the plane?" Jake asks.
"Yes. Someone was in the back seat but they were dead long before the paramedics got there." One of the officers responds.
"We don't know if it was Ghost - they are comparing his DNA to the database" Cyclone admits.
"How did he die?" Jake's voice cracks.
"The plane had taken quite a bit of fire - the canopy was broken. The man on the backseat was struck by some of the glass." The police inform him.
Jake shivers from the thought of the world's happiest WSO dying of blood loss - at the thought of you having to sit there and listen to that.
He stands up not wanting to hear anything else.
"Can I see her?" Jake queries, not beyond begging if anyone objects.
"Not before we talk about the kid." a random lady chirps.
"What kid?" Jake counters feeling bile rise in his throat at the prospect that you might have a kid that isn't his.
"He's too old to be hers; let him go see her." Cyclone says to the officers.
Jake raises his eyebrows in confusion but they gesture that he's free to leave so he doesn't delay this any longer and starts striding towards your room.
*
"I need to warn you that despite surgery - this is quite shocking." Cyclone says holding the door handle, "She's been put into a medically induced coma to try and reduce some of the swelling."
Jake nods not really hearing him.
I need to know if this is you.
Admiral Simpson carefully opens the door at lets Jake through.
Jake looks at your face and he doesn't recognise you.
The bruising is obscene - this person's face is purple and yellow.
Thank god she's unconscious because I can't imagine how painful this would be.
"Is it her?" Cyclone asks as Jake steps closer.
Jake refuses to admit that even he cannot tell from looking at your face. Your features are too swollen to properly see.
His hands shake as he brushes some of your hair out of the way to look under your ear for a scar you got learning to ride a bike as a kid.
He uses his free hand to rub the tears from his eyes.
It's there. The scar he's kissed a thousand times.
He pulls back, lip trembling in the horror that anyone would hurt you so much that he cannot recognise you.
"It's her." Jake verbalises as he takes you hand.
The whole world melts away behind him as he stares at what's been done to you and actually takes it in.
"You're okay sweets, I'm here. I've got you." Jake whispers running his thumb across the back of your hand.
Part 3 if you missed it
Part 5
Masterlist
@inthestars-underthesun
@rainy-darling
230 notes · View notes
stevieharringtonwifeguy · 1 year ago
Text
hey, yall like t4t lesbian steddie? how about transfem eddie beefing coming out to her girlfriend Real Hard?
also on ao3 here
--------------------------------------------------------------
Eddie has never been able to control her mouth. Honestly sometimes she wonders if she has some kind of medical condition that makes her incapable of saying normal things at the appropriate time. 
And this is a real problem when trying to figure out how to tell her girlfriend that she might kinda wanna be a girl too maybe. Because instead of sitting the love of her life down and calmly explaining that she’s been doing some thinking and might want to experiment with her gender more, Eddie just holds it all in until she projectile vomits the information at the worst possible time.
They’re snuggled in bed, hazy in post-coital bliss, Stevie burying her face in Eddie’s neck and nuzzling in with her nose like a kitten looking for milk. It’s adorable. Eddie half expects her to start making biscuits on her stomach.
And so when Stevie sighs contentedly, hums a little, “My boy,” with so much love in her voice Eddie kind of wants to cry, she’s not ready for the wave of wrongness that crashes over her, smashing the cozy, contented vibe in the room like it’s an actual tidal wave ripping the trailer to shreds.
So she does what she always does. Fucks it up.
“No I’m not,” she says, voice choked with panic.
Stevie stiffens against her. “What?” she asks.
“I’m not your boy,” Eddie says. “It’s not- I-”
Stevie draws away from her, and Eddie already misses the warmth. She keeps her eyes screwed shut, doesn’t want to see Stevie’s reaction to the information that her boyfriend is actually her girlfriend. And yeah, the logical part of her brain knows that it absolutely is not an issue. Stevie’s a lot of things (beautiful, wonderful, perfect, a teensy bit of a bitch but just enough to keep things interesting-), but she’s not a hypocrite, so the trans thing is obviously fine. And Stevie was well known for making her way through most of the female population of Hawkins High before she came out, so the girl thing is also obviously a non-issue.
But. That mean little voice in the back of Eddie’s head. The one that listened carefully to every bad thing anyone ever said about her- freak, monster, trash- and quietly stored them away just to take them out again when she’s alone at night. That voice is real loud right now. 
It tells her she’s imagining things, that she’s just looking for another way to be different. That Stevie will just think she’s trying to copy her, and worse than that, she’s copying her badly. It whispers that sure, Stevie liked her as a guy, thought she was attractive then, but she’s probably going to be so ugly as a girl that any attraction Stevie’s managed to muster for her weird lanky man-body is gonna just shrivel up and die. And she doesn’t even really like girly things, which she knows because she dressed up as Frank N Furter that one time they all went to see Rocky Horror, and the makeup had felt gross on her skin and the corset had been too tight and the heels had hurt- and if she’s not gonna commit to femininity what’s even the point of trying to tell people she’s a girl?
Eddie is so lost in her own head that it takes her a second to realise that Stevie has gotten out of bed. Eddie sits up, watching in confusion as her girlfriend flits around the room in search of her clothes. 
“Stevie?” Eddie asks, her voice small. “Wh- what are you doing?”
Stevie sighs, shakes her head a little. “What does it look like I’m doing, Eddie?” Her voice sounds watery, and she won’t look Eddie in the eyes, using her voluminous hair as a shield as she pulls up her jeans with shaking hands.
Eddie’s heart breaks. She doesn’t think she ever expected this, that Stevie would just leave, even on her darkest nights alone. “But- why?”
Stevie finally looks at her then, her face incredulous even as it’s streaked with tears. “Why? Why would I stay, Eddie, if this- what, was it just- just bullshit?” she says, getting more heated as she speaks, hands flying in that way Eddie usually loves because it means her girl is really getting riled up. Now it feels terrible to see, like the final nail in Eddie’s coffin. 
“I can’t believe- fuck- this is the second time I thought- I mean it’s gotta be me at this point, right? Like, fool me once-” Stevie cuts herself off with a sob, before scrubbing her face furiously and looking around the room. “Where the fuck is my jacket???”
“I don’t- what do you mean, second time-”
Stevie scoffs. “I mean, sure, you didn’t actually say the word ‘bullshit’ but that’s- you see how it’s the same right? Like, even if you didn’t- if you didn’t want me anymore, how could you-? You knew about Nancy, Eddie, and you still just-” She scrubs her face again and heads to the door. “You know what, fuck my jacket.”
And Eddie is not the smartest. Her three senior years can attest to this. But she can tell she’s missing something here, because what the hell does Nancy have to do with anything? So Eddie goes over the last couple of minutes, everything Stevie said, everything she said, and- oh. Fuck.
“I forgot the second part of that sentence.” 
She literally cannot believe how stupid she is. Stevie’s already out the bedroom door, and Eddie prays to every god who’s never believed in her that she hasn’t left the trailer entirely, because fuck knows if she has Eddie will probably never see her again. At least not for several months, and even then, only with Robin standing off to the side trying to kill her with her mind.
“Stevie!” She calls, running through the trailer at a speed she frankly didn’t think herself capable of. “Stevie, please wait! I didn’t mean to- I forgot the rest of the sentence!”
Stevie stops at the door of the trailer, turns around with an eyebrow raised in the kind of ‘I’m waiting, make it good’ expression she uses whenever the kids try to explain why they were acting like little shits this time. It’s ruined a bit, by the tears still streaming down her face and the tremble in her disapproving frown, but she’s trying. 
“Baby, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I was trying to say- I didn’t even realise how it sounded- I love you so much and I’m sorry I made you doubt that for even a second,” Eddie pleads, her own tears running down her face.
Something in Stevie’s posture seems to soften a little, but her hand stays on the doorknob. “What- what else would you be trying to say there, Eddie?”
“I-” Eddie can’t look at her, so she looks at her own feet. “I’m not your boy, I’m your- I don’t really know. Girl? Something? Uh. If you still want me to be.”
It’s quiet for a moment. Eddie doesn’t look away from her feet.
But then, strong, warm arms wrap around her. A hand gently pushes her head into a neck. A pair of lips press into the top of her head.
“Oh E- baby,” Stevie says, softly. “I love you so much, no matter what. Of course you can be my girl, if you want.”
Eddie nods into Stevie’s neck, holding her so tight she’d be a little worried about hurting her if she wasn’t well aware Stevie was way stronger than she’d ever be. “Yes please,” she says, voice small.
Stevie presses another kiss to the top of Eddie’s head, pulls back to hold her face gently in her hands. “Love you so much, baby. And it’s with love that I have to ask- what the hell is wrong with you.” Eddie snorts, and Stevie smiles like that’s what she was aiming for. “That was the worst coming-out I’ve ever seen. And I’m including the way I came out to Dustin.”
Eddie fully laughs then, and Stevie smiles too. That really had been awful. Dustin had found Stevie’s collection of feminine clothes and underwear and had taken it upon himself to lecture her on how weird it was to keep ‘souvenirs’, until eventually Stevie had been so mortified by the picture he was painting that she had to come out just to get him to shut up. He’d since made up for it by being her staunchest defender (Eddie and Robin notwithstanding), but the whole thing was still painful enough that whenever he was being annoying Stevie could now get him to shut up with just a particularly pointed look.
“I know, it was- I got all up in my head,” Eddie says. She places her hand over Stevie’s, gently turns her head to place an apologetic kiss on her wrist, right against her pulse point. “I really am sorry. I love you.”
“I know. Now, at least. Although I hope you realise I’m gonna be using this against you for like, the rest of our lives. Good luck trying to get me to turn off the ABBA, considering you very briefly broke my heart.”
Eddie groans, just like Stevie wanted her too, but honestly ‘the rest of our lives’ sounds pretty good to her.
305 notes · View notes
gojoswhitebabydolllashes · 2 months ago
Note
hi, i was wondering if you already have/want to write a fanfic about the scene where jayce kills viktor. with lots of angst and everything..something something jayce kept his promise to destroy the hexcore...
also the whole being killed by the person you love the most is really hot, and probably the most homoerotic thing jayce has ever done
Okay okay I think I know where this is going.
I like this idea a lot. I sort of understand, but I apologize if I got this wrong😭
-
Long before men were self-destructive, there were men who were destructive to the undoing of another. There is nothing more destructive than a man who decides his own fate.
Jayce Talis did not have a fate of his own, but one entangled with the very metal that threatened to tear his best friend from the inside out. And while there were many who practically worshipped the ground, Viktor walked on before these people, only Jayce and Viktor walked on the same grounds.
And now they are being shared.
To viktor, there is nothing quite so intertwined like that of the human soul when it finds another. His Web was high above the ground where he could see everything layed out before him. The destruction is his greatest fear. And yet, there was something illuminating about watching jayce haul himself into the sanctum where viktor resided.
"You never did wield the power for word as a weapon." Viktor opened his eyes slowly.
His deep brown gaze fell upon that of a wrecked jayce. A large hammer sat in his hands, a gruff look painted on his face. His beard was long grown, and he did not look like the jayce viktor had grown to love.
"I thought we were done with the hexcore? I thought you wanted to destroy it?"
"It appears I said a lot of things. But if you want to destroy it, I'll allow you,"
Viktor closed his eyes again, prepared to die in the hands of his...his...something. The something that jayce was to him. Whatever he wanted to be. In the eyes of the golden boy of the city of progress, there is something brooding and glooming that resides within viktor.
And to viktor, to not die at the hands of the man he did infact know and love, Would be treason of the highest order to his soul and mind.
"Kill me, if you must"
Jayce never imagined in his life that he would see the downfall of his best frie- best...best...his...viktor.
His viktor.
He didn't quite know when it happened. When jayce opened his eyes again, viktor was slumped against the sanctum wall. Stunned, jayce watched in horror as viktors arms drooped, dropping some kind of coin from his hand in the process.
There are many moments in a lifetime where decisions are consequential of the highest form. When soul argues with the body, fighting for what is truly needed in the moment. Like when pink and blue fight to make purple, there are different shades of purple if one is bigger than the other.
You need more pink than purple to make magenta, and in this case, jayce was pink, and viktor was purple. He was the deepest violet and jayce was the palest pink.
The slump of an arm lost the colour his pink needed. In the slow taunting process that was realising viktor was his undoing, jayce lost himself in the thought that he could lose his best friend. His...love.
"You really did shoot me," viktor coughed.
"You asked me too. No...you told me to" jayce snarled.
Viktor let out a wheezing laugh. Strained with agony and a pain that was watching jayce do nothing about it.
"And if I asked you to set fire to piltover would you?" Viktor showed a small smile.
"I would" jayce stopped, and sighed "would've, cut down buildings and castles for you"
Jayce turned away, his back turnt to his greatest achievement and his even greater downfall.
The two souls would never meet again, and in the process of losing what was near and dear to him, jayce talis came to the knowledge that gods were not real and that they would only exist to give you hope that what you were pining for for so long, was just infront of you.
26 notes · View notes
justthemis124 · 3 months ago
Text
My opinion on “Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez story” PART I
Tumblr media
If some of you guys have read my presentation post, you know that this show encouraged me to create this blog, because after finishing the last episode, I just needed to talk about it to someone. Unfortunately nobody I know has seen it or is even interested in seeing it. Anyway that’s not the point, I have a lot of things to say about the show, that’s why this post is only a part 1, and I’ll try my best to organize my thoughts as best as I can.
You can read part II just here :))
I. THE RYAN MURPHY PROBLEM
I feel like I needed to start with the most obvious one.
So first of all you need to know that my only knowledge of Ryan Murphy comes from the 5 seasons of American Horror Story that I watched. And the thing that I noticed straight away when watching AHS was the omnipresence of very, very uncomfortable and weird s*x scenes. Every 5 seconds you get these scenes that serve no purpose to the plot whatsoever, it feels like they’re there just for the sake of making people uncomfortable and satisfying whatever perverse desire Ryan Murphy has. Now, I’ll say that American Horror Story is fictional and that, at the end of the day, no matter how disgusting these scenes are, they remain in the fictional realm.
BUT the problem is that RM has clearly brought his weird and obscene fantasies into the world of what I can only think of calling “True Fiction” (a show or movie based on real events, and that wants itself to be accurate). It’s something that you can so clearly see in each and every episode of the show, and while watching it, I remember thinking how disgusting it was that this almost 60 years old man was just forcing his perversion into a representation of literal victims of incestuous s*xual abuse. And I genuinely cannot express how sick to my stomach it makes me.
Furthermore, I think that it is also very clear whose side Ryan Murphy seems to be on, and in my opinion and based on the way he decided to portray the brothers, I think that he clearly thinks that the boys are liar. Which okay, he is of course entitled to his opinion on the matter, even if I (along with a lot people) strongly disagree with it. The problem is that he should not bring his opinion into the show and make his opinion seem like the real and factual events.
On that same note, I’m sure most of you are aware, but Erik released a statement through his wife about the show, I’ll put it below :
Tumblr media
And I’m so glad he spoke up and said how much fake things, inaccurate portrayals and misinformation this show was spreading. Unfortunately, Ryan Murphy responded to this statement, in the worst manner possible, here is his response below :
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I find it absolutely insane to tell people, whose life you tried to recreate on screen, that you did an amazing job at it while these persons themselves tell you that you failed to put in light the truth that they spent their whole lives trying to be heard.
In conclusion on this whole part about Ryan Murphy, I was just really disappointed in the way that he produced and realised the whole show as well as the way he handled the aftermath of its release, this man even had the audacity to say that he had no interest in talking to the brothers so that tells us everything that we need to know about him. And I think that he should just stick to fiction and stop trying to film true crime shows if he’s gonna ignore the facts and just build the show on his opinion instead.
II. THE PORTRAYAL OF THE BROTHERS
The issue with the portrayals of the brothers is obviously directly linked to Ryan Murphy but I wanted to dedicate a part about it and not it be a sub part to the RM problem.
When I was watching the show, the first thing that struck me was the portrayal of Lyle. I was familiar with the Menendez case way before the show because, like a lot of people, I had watched the trials on YouTube. And while I cannot claim to know what Lyle is like, and none of us can, because we don’t know him, I was still quite shocked to see the way they made him act on the show. I guess that this arrogant, angry, violent and spoiled rich kid act just wasn’t what I was expecting, along with a lot of people. And we were right to find this representation to be odd because Erik, himself, talked about how inaccurate and defamatory this representation of Lyle was in his statement that you can read above in the Ryan Murphy problem.
So there's already that. And then, the worst part in my opinion, is the way that Lyle and Erik were, first of all, highly s*xualized and also represented as if they were in some kind of incestuous relationship with each other. If we focus for a second on the s*xualization of the brothers, the first example that comes to my mind is the shower scene with Erik in prison. What purpose does that scene serve in the telling of Erik and Lyle's story? I cannot help but think that this is just another manifestation of Ryan Murphy's perverted mind. On that same note (I'm gonna try and explain this next part as best as I can) but I think we all know now that RM has a tendency to cast attractive actors for these type of roles (ex: Evan Peters as Jeffrey Dahmer) to later s*xualize them non stop. And words are failing me to express how wrong that is, because in Dahmer's case he was literally s*xualizing a serial killer, and in the Menendez' case, victims of incestuous s*xual abuse. Again I fail to understand how this man doesn't see any wrong in that.
Now, about the representation of the brothers' relationship. As I was watching the show, I remember noticing all these little things that were insinuating that something romantic was going on between them, again I cannot express how uncomfortable it made me, I can only assume that it was the case for everyone else watching. And again, I cannot find the words to say how disgusting and sick this is. Because here is the thing, so we know that Erik was m*lested by Lyle, because Lyle was himself being abused by José Menendez, he was child and he didn't know any better than to try and recreate what he though was an act of love. BUT knowing that and willingly deciding to subtly portray these brothers as if they were in a consensual incestuous relationship is digusting and sickening.
And I want to clarify that this critic of their portrayal is aimed at Ryan Murphy and in no way at the actors, I will be talking about the actors' work in the second part, in another post.
Alright guys that's it for the first part of my opinion on "Monsters", I hope that maybe some of the points I addressed will help you see the show in another light if you didn't share my point of view. And if my post didn't convince you of anything and if you disagree with me on certain point, please leave a comment so we can discuss it :)
The second part will be focusing on the portrayal of José and Kitty Menendez as well as the work of the actors.
See you in the next post!
23 notes · View notes
batsplat · 6 months ago
Note
if you were to direct a motogp movie (or make a one season of television) what season or rivalry would you make it about? and more interesting what artistic liberties would you take? it doesn’t have to be a straight up biopic bc imo those are often boring, instead it could be something like velvet goldmine (1998) aka fictional characters whose real life counterparts are pretty obvious, veering in like rpf territory. anyways👀
Tumblr media
did you know. one time this guy put a curse on this other guy. and he never won a race again
anyway, look, I do feel like by this point that's the BORING answer from me, but obviously it's where my mind first went. I'm not sure I'd actually want it out there in film form because by now it's badly enough remembered that it's like, my cute little niche story, and I think there's something fun about the Wider World even within the motogp fandom not exactly getting how bonkers the whole thing was. (I know other humans have canonically watched motogp 2004 but I swear even journalists have forgotten some key key details and it's kinda annoying but also fun.) bold words from someone who's been blogging about it!! weird gatekeep-y instinct. but basically my job here is done as far as outreach is concerned - I wrote a very long post, now I get asks about it twice a week that allow me to think about it some more with the four other people who care, perfect balance. that rivalry doesn't need to go mainstream!! the whole point of it is that it's kinda cruel but narratively pleasing that it's gone under the radar, because it's another sign valentino won. but obviously, I cannot literally make a film about this, so the hypothetical repercussions I think maybe we can put aside for a moment here
okay I came back to this bit of the post after I increasingly got into of the spirit of coming up with dumb ideas, but it did make me flesh out what I'd even WANT from something like that. I'm with you anon, a lot of biopics are boring!! if you want to just know what happened, please just literally go and 'watch the races' and 'read books' like what are we actually getting here. you kinda want to give it a purpose for existing, right, a way of portraying real/mildly fictionalised events in a manner that is also taking some kind of stance on the material AND is doing stuff you can't do 'in real life'. thing is, look, you could make 2006 into a film, and I'm sure it'd be perfectly nice because it's fundamentally a solid underdog story (well, inherently winning a title with repsol honda is NOT being an underdog but you can write it that way), but also what are you doing beyond just telling people what happened? I feel like that generally about single seasons, they're not really doing anything for me. I was also turning around the biaggi/valentino rivalry in my head in part because that's the one valentino gave as his answer for 'rivalry he would turn into a film' (marc big wet eyes sitting right next to him), but like. a film about that rivalry from valentino's pov is fundamentally not something I'm interested in. you have all these isolated very memorable moments that make it work as a rivalry, like you can absolutely spin them into a dramatic yarn that goes through the genesis of their conflict to middle finger gate to punching gate to assen + donington + sachsenring + phillip island 2001 and it's basically *insert rousing music* successful coming of age. at most you can lean into the fact valentino became successful at being a dick. like idk it's fine but also what's the point? valentino is challenged in a sports context by biaggi, he's challenged because he realises his words have consequence and the press actually reports the words he says to journalists (the horror), but he is fundamentally not challenged on a personal level. that's the entire point, right? it's the ultimate comfort zone rivalry - biaggi is a dick who it is quite easy to hate and also reacts poorly to valentino's initial provocation. the animosity escalates and it is inherently fun to beat him. valentino is mean to him, but it's not like he even really crosses any lines to beat him. like you can make it into a film, and if you twisted the material a little bit you could make it satisfying, but I don't want to!
now the way the writing process of this post worked was that I was going to breeze through a bunch of non-sete/valentino rivalries and explain why I think some of them don't work for our purposes here, but then I ended up writing myself into changing my mind. so my take on the biaggi rivalry is that actually, you CAN make it work but it has to be from biaggi's perspective. basically, I think you've got to amadeus it (a web weave I have been thinking of making at some point btw). so,,, it's a meditation on talent and how unfair it all is, maybe minus the bit where salieri poisons amadeus (I know that doesn't happen in the film) or dresses up as amadeus' father to, y'know, make him write a requiem on his death bed. and it's not amadeus in that HERE, the clown prince gets a happy ending! but it's more like, in thematic terms, I think you have to zero in on this bit. biaggi didn't have parents who shoved him on a bike when he was three years old, he didn't have parents who were invested in his motorcycling career (or even necessarily particularly invested in him), he started the sport late and discovered that, yes, he did have a prodigious amount of skill in it - but one that he started honing far later than valentino did. he approached his career with a sort of grim resolve, surly and irascible and not interested in making friends with any of his competitors but very, very good. he goes away from the race track and dates all these models, he irritates fellow riders, he's not part of the gang and he's happy about it. he's very successful! four 250cc titles, wins his first ever race in 500cc at a time when doohan was very much winning everything. he's also just like,,,, an interesting and spiky enough character it's not hard to make him come alive
but then of course you have this gradual emergence of the amadeus character, the one who challenges his established position in the court of,, well... motorcycle racing, and also as the guy italians rooted for! and valentino's obviously, y'know, in so many ways the exact opposite from biaggi, and he's super young and cheerful and lively and is doing all his silly celebrations and is being a bit camp and goofy and treats motorcycle racing as a party (you really want to lean into the culture clash here, like in amadeus it's because you have stuffy austrian court vibes but here it's because everyone is having their bones broken every two minutes and just how... kinda grim a lot of motorcycle racing was). and he's also this innocent! yes, he insults biaggi, and yes, in retrospect we know valentino is kinda evil, but at the time he was a kid with a big mouth who was a little taken aback by how that biaggi feud sort of escalated beyond what he'd actually intended it to do! and biaggi just, hates him. and I think, sorry to the real man max biaggi here, but you've got to play with how once they're actually competing with each other, it's miserable how there's just this unbreachable gulf in talent. like, whatever biaggi does he cannot win! he isn't going to defeat valentino over the course of a full season! which is depressing and horrible and CRUEL, because there's this inevitability to the whole thing... and also! because valentino doesn't DESERVE it. and you don't have to go full salieri pleading with god to explain how god could give this CLOWN all this talent, but it's kinda the same vibe! how is it valentino, who is constantly just having a laff and canonically maybe wasn't the biggest gym-goer in the paddock and is just generally seen as, y'know, a bit of a dandy, this foppish clown who everyone loves and who doesn't have to work hard to be good - how is he the one who is winning so much!! it's miserable and unjust... and I think how you portray this is that you really emphasise the kinda, repetitive nature of the defeat. like, I think you probably want to make this into a non-linear narrative where all this biaggi backstory is communicated somehow but you don't just start it when he was born or whatever - you start it in 2001 when they're competing for a title and already hate each other. and then you heavy on the time loop vibes. the whole cinematic language and all that other shit should emphasise how all these weekends are structured in exactly the same way and if you're losing to this one guy, all these different weekends can start feeling the same. it bleeds into each other, it feels inescapable, you're trapped in this narrative you can't change... worst of all, you even return to the same places again and again - like play with that! biaggi keeps coming back to where they had the fist fight, to where valentino first insulted him all those years back. you play up the disorientation and the misery of it all, plus biaggi canonically gives us all this kinda messy freudian shit to play with like how he was dating 'valentina' and his relationship with her was falling apart because of how miserable valentino was making him. it's all there!!
ANYWAYS the way you conclude this story is!! welkom 2004!! so again we can artistic license this a little bit and, uh, ignore sete (though I do also think it's fun if you lean into biaggi being displaced as a rival and staring at them being friendly and happy with each other from the outside) - but the key bit is that valentino is finally making the big error. biaggi wasn't winning titles on a yamaha, since he left yamaha has gotten worse, now valentino is making this big mistake out of his own hubris. language of cinema that shit and make everything brighter and more hopeful.... the time loop is finally over, biaggi has escaped, this year will be different!!!! everyone in his circle agrees, valentino is fucked. step off the plane at welkom (pre season testing didn't happen in this universe) and it's literal dawn of a new day... staring out at the sun and finally, biaggi can move on, can live a new and different life. anyway. obviously we all know what's coming next - you have this big dramatic climactic race where biaggi throws himself at valentino again and again and again and he comes so close to winning it... but he doesn't. and you have valentino living his best life, being delighted, but the film is focusing on how like,,, we're bleaching the joy back out of biaggi's life, how actually he's returning to what he already knew. and it ends on the podium, with the camera focusing on biaggi on that fucking second step or zooming in or whatever (idk how cinema works) and it just finishes on this shot of biaggi dead-eyed in a bleak world, trapped again for eternity aka until the end of the 2005 season. done!! I'm not sure this is quite what valentino had in mind, but. well. that's how I'd do it
Tumblr media
this is from the pushkin play from 1832 not the 1984 film but like. low key pushkin already kinda nailed the essence of sports rivalries in the 1830s and we just have to acknowledge that sometimes
right. so the casey rivalry is where I'm going to go completely off the wall. skip this bit to get to the slightly saner stuff. this is also one I fully admit to sometimes playing around with in my mind anyway, but. uh. I'm gonna be taking this one in just. well. places. I do have a vision here but I also don't quite know how to explain it in a way that doesn't make me sound like I've lost my mind, but well if you're still reading this then that's on you. so lemme get this out of the way: the classic sports biopic formula would work well with casey. if I had to point to a single rider I would sports biopic-ify, it's casey. so you have all this kinda,, obvious adversity that's easy to get across, and it's a narrative you can follow chronologically without too much trouble. you've got all the childhood stuff, the australian racing club not letting him join them, the move to britain, the rising through the ranks, it's also this very biopic-friendly 'nobody ever believed in him apart from like three people' stuff. and the premier class is also narratively satisfying, from the rocky rookie season to the kinda shock success to then all the lows of 2008 and 2009 and the physical ailments and the anxiety and then the switch to honda and the title and then him deciding to retire... that's all good stuff! you can absolutely biopic-ify it! gun to my head and sure, I can walk you through exactly what bits of his life I'd focus on and put in what order and so on, and I think ultimately you could make a very good sports biopic from that
[some mild gore to follow in this next section]
but also. thing is. that's fine. it's just not where I want to go here, because again I feel like at that point you can also pick up his autobiography and just read it - because what you're basically doing here is just filming that. and I get how this stuff works, you're bringing the story to a wider audience, you can show stuff in a different way in that medium etc etc, and that's all great but also I don't care about bringing stuff to a wider audience. I care about doing fun stuff in my brain. so what I'd actually do here is just, basically, go in the exact opposite direction and ditch all the realism. genuinely, ditch the live action stuff, we're going animated - what I'm interested in here is stuff where we need to be able to fully suspend our disbelief and lean into some surreal shit. I'm not going to bury the lede here: my idea is that you take that thing where casey said he hated how ducati was ruining the bike by letting valentino's yellow encroach on it and, basically,, just go all in on that bit. like come on, that is so singularly visually evocative, it truly captures a lot of what's going on thematically in that rivalry. (see also x and x for the most relevant casey posts.) casey sees valentino as the malevolent force, this infection! he associates him strongly with a specific colour, one that can be sickly or unnatural or just... evil. malignant, malicious, malevolent, all the m words. to casey, valentino is a personification of everything that is wrong with the sport. valentino is literally the walking manifestation for so many of his issues, from the dangerous riding to the lack of respect to the lying to the cult of personality to the obsession with image and the media to the backroom games to the politics to the injustice of how different riders are treated differently, like!! he's literally all of that! this is a topic for another post, but this plays out in a lot of kinda, weird and funky ways where it's a two way street and sometimes when casey talks about motogp you go 'actually I think that's just valentino?' (btw he also does this about 'europe' right I don't think those are europeans you hate casey that's literally just valentino) and sometimes when he talks about valentino it's kinda? this feels like it's about a little more than the bloke himself? and basically, right, I think you need to take this to its natural conclusion where casey used to admire him and look up to him and want to emulate him on track and then gets disillusioned when valentino's worshippers turn against casey and casey is the one to bring valentino down to earth and... listen, I think you need to play around with valentino being a literal god. and I think you need to have casey stab him to cover up the yellow on the ducati with blood
okay. look. the idea here, right, is that we're basically making the subtext text, and just digging into that process of 'bringing valentino back to earth', of taking on a god and having the audacity to succeed, and also treating valentino as this sort of. infection in his own mind. the bike is literally being infected!! casey may have left the ducati but he STILL has some fidelity and love for this project, those were his people he worked with, and now valentino is coming in and just twisting everything around himself!! but also I think how this functions is that, okay, so you have all this normal stuff that's the actual 'plot' in the 'real world', but the ISSUE with the real world is that there's a lot of stuff that just. isn't possible there. like the thing casey wants in that rivalry but is never going to have is... a captive audience. a big problem casey has in that rivalry is that he doesn't get the chance to actually say a lot of stuff to valentino. he starts using the media more and more and plays the game on valentino's level, but there's still this disconnect where mr straight talking is the valentino rival who valentino never really blanks or freezes out like... there's a disconnect! there's valentino the person, who casey never quite figures out how to just straight up hate, and then there's valentino the character, the racer, the rider, the god who casey DESPISES. but when they're doing small talk at pressers and podiums, casey doesn't get to talk to that version of valentino! he just talks to valentino the person, who obviously isn't literally a different person but is also not going to explain to casey where he's coming from, is he, and also isn't someone who casey can explain to where HE is coming from. and that gulf... it does bother casey. I don't think he can quite verbalise why either, but there's just... this creeping tension. I think it'd be easier for casey if valentino really were more of a caricature, just kinda a dick in all walks of life. and there's just these canonical hints of that... the way casey talks about how he's sure valentino as a guy is fine, but he never knew valentino like that, the whole 'I'd like to go with valentino for dinner to tell him where I was coming from in that rivalry' thing, like!! it's there
so basically EYE think what you should be doing is using the wonders of storytelling to actually. embrace that element. and just leave realism behind now and again. valentino is a god, he is literally worshipped, he's part of this pantheon that casey is trekking to reach. casey is brave enough to take him on in combat, he is the first one who is truly able to draw blood. he sees how valentino isn't just a god of joy or battles or speed or the SUN or any of that other stuff - he's a disease, an illness, a god who is also a false prophet... the worship never quite goes away, because who ever truly gets rid of their valentino rossi complex, but casey eventually is given the chance to face a chained valentino and kinda,,, ritualistically publicly humiliate him using the ducati as both this sick thing that has to be 'cured' and this symbol of valentino's failure. I'm sorry, visual language goes brr here, like chain him up, do weirdly eroticised torture idc!! (psst psst valentino's fucked up shoulder also extremely goes brr here, casey low key a teensy bit weird about valentino's injuries? his thing after the 2010 leg break where he goes 'why's everyone making such a big deal about this other people break their limbs too' and then after 2011 jerez immediately asking whether valentino's shoulder is okay in just a very obviously passive aggressive way. literally he opens with that, valentino isn't using it as an excuse or anything, for some reason it's already on casey's mind and I would politely contest it was out of genuine concern for valentino's wellbeing!! it's just kinda? I'm so compelled by it? I suppose it is kinda about how valentino's suffering gets taken more seriously than his own? how those absences are received differently by the motogp world? idk I find this fun because casey does know this is one thing valentino can't really be blamed for himself, so it just slips out a bit? but yeah, casey + valentino's injuries, nobody's talking about it but I sure will, let casey get weird and mean and a teensy bit sadistic about valentino's injuries in an artistic manner.) crucially I like animation as a medium here because I think it's easier to lean into surrealism when you don't have to hand hold the audience so much through the suspension of realism, also there's just some imagery you can do in cooler ways through animation where in live action it may just look. weird. (I think you can also do one of those things where you have a live action film with only those specific bits animated but also... why? it just feels like in live action you need more 'justifications' for things, like am I saying casey is having some weird hallucinations and is losing his mind? no I just want to have weird vision sequences ffs.) the colour stuff!! valentino/casey is big on the colour coding as a rivalry, to the extent casey is even, y'know, drawing attention to it in the literal text!! yellow and red are banger colours, valentino is big on imagery himself with all his sun + moon motifs, it's kind of all there to make the easy next step to kinda zany surreal imagery. ritualistic stabbing works better in animation, you can kinda get the blood to like. drip down and overwhelm the yellow illness that's slithered out across the bike
and. AND of course what this entire set up allows you to do is.... give them an opportunity to talk. they can't talk in real life! casey CAN'T give him his real thoughts on anything, and fundamentally valentino can't either. they're opponents. they're strangers who chat sometimes. it's not just that they aren't friends, it's that fundamentally they cannot be friends - because their ability to do their actual jobs depends on a certain level of professional distance. valentino of course does have a decent read on casey, and vice versa, because when you're figuring out how to defeat someone then (if you're valentino) you're looking to play the rider too. valentino's entire approach depends on focusing in on his rivals and attempting to throw them off, to make them unravel. he's watching casey closely!! the entire journey of casey's first three seasons in the premier class essentially becomes like, this god of their world focusing in on him. figuring him out. trying to gnaw away at him. obviously, animation also allows you to go big on the panopticon-y imagery which is kinda fundamental to their rivalry, because of their fundamentally oppositional stances to 'performing' for the ever present cameras where there IS a little bit of common ground in they have both struggled with it. but valentino isn't going to ever say that to casey! casey isn't going to open up to valentino! so if you give them,, you know, a different arena to express themselves, where casey actually has this external figure to talk to (as he's like, cutting him open I guess) whereas valentino actually is put in a position where he's allowed to respond, where he can taunt casey a little bit, where he can interrogate casey's approach and also the similarities between the two of them and how casey has been forced to become a little more like valentino to challenge him... because the thing is, right, valentino is so big on message discipline with his rivals and has completely stopped talking about that rivalry post mid 2013 that, first of all, you have this complete imbalance in who's been telling this story for the past decade, but second of all you kinda don't have a sense of what valentino would respond? idk!! I think this is mainly fun as a thought exercise for me specifically but also I do think it's kinda, digging into some of the bits that make this narratively work as a rivalry, how valentino in this rivalry is actually just kinda... removed. like he's not really emotional about it!! at most he's a bit bitchy, but even that just feels about The Game. it's the most extreme in this regard followed by jorge - but with valentino's other feuds you kinda... see a bit more an unguarded moment, see something a little more real there. the casey rivalry feels so uncomfortable precisely because valentino is a little... inhuman in this one. I mean, if you want to have valentino as some kind of cross between a deity and a monster in any of his feuds, this is the one. casey's just an obstacle to him. idk don't you think casey kinda wants to chain valentino down and stab him and make him see casey a little more... well, I think he should want it and I think it'd be fun to see and get them to talk to each other. ugh and also all the implications of making the faith vs non-believer elements more literal... casey the heretic!!!
there's some obvious stuff here you'd have to figure out, like 'how do you make this work as a narrative even to people who aren't familiar with casey stoner at all' and 'who the fuck do you think the target audience is here' and 'you do know this is not the kind of thing that would ever be made, right, go back to the casey stoner sports biopic like a sane person' but!! I do think it's material you can make work if you're just,,, efficient and smart in how you're actually telling the 'real life' version of the rivalry. also in my head this is. idk. an animated limited series not a film, which then brings in other stuff like 'episodic structure' because I'm fundamentally opposed to tv shows that think they're films. and look, I'm not going to write an entire film script treatment here, I just think a good writer can figure this stuff out. blood on the ducati is the framing device for everything else, simple. lots of animated floating eyes I reckon, first casey is watching valentino and then valentino is watching casey and the whole world is watching them... and it does bleed into real life just a little, where you're wondering whether casey is actually imagining/dreaming this stuff or valentino is or if they both know it somehow... you can get away with more ambiguity in animation. anyway, if you do want more thoughts on this one specifically for whatever reason, let me know because this one I do actually have more on
also laguna 2008 is a bit tortoise and the hare coded if you really think about it
[end of gore]
so. on to jorge. hm. the thing about jorge is that he was kinda writing a coming of age film in his own head, so like - yes, that's what you do go for? you can play it straight and follow how jorge has cast his rivals, or you can pin the whole narrative on the fact that jorge has cast them - the kinda artificiality of the narrative, the way jorge is this storyteller who isn't being recognised as much as he thinks he should be, isnt adequately appreciated. the way there's this three way discourse between what jorge thinks the story is and what the public thinks the story is and actual. you know. reality. I think this is a bit more light-hearted, like you know how the best stories about teenagers take their emotions seriously but also let them be kinda silly? because young people are silly! jorge was silly! he's got a lot of CHARM because he's so cocky and naive and full on and intense and awkward and kinda off-putting and tactless and a bit all over the place and so painfully, painfully young, like he's a good protagonist because that's a KID. but also, obviously there's also a lot of extremely not light-hearted bits of his story - everything about his father, his manager... idk this one's another one where, I don't just want to make it a generic sports biopic, and I'm trying to figure out the clear narrative arc here? I mean, you can point to the end of 2010 and really lean into him choosing victory on-track over popularity off it. the problem with 2010 is that it does not work as a dramatic season, yeah sure with the magic of biopics you can hack at it to shit but also. idk. what are we getting out of it. I think for narrative purposes you want to maybe narrow in, and end it at the end of 2008, with the switching of the numbers this kind of moment of emancipation? but also! this feels like we're straying a bit too far away from the fun sports elements and I don't want to REALLY suggest all the ways in which you could mine jorge's personal trauma in a jokey tumblr post, so I'm gonna move on from this one
the problem is 2015 just straight up doesn't work as a jorge-centric narrative, except in a very kinda comic way that leans into how absurd his role in that season was. 2012 as a season is a bit... y'know, it's fine. okay it's mostly terrible, but that's fine too. but it doesn't have a great narrative hook. which kinda leads you to the problem that I do think the valentino rivalry is more... juicy from jorge's pov, because for valentino, jorge is just kinda? an obstacle? idk he's more normal about it, it's just his job to destroy the guy, you know how it is. but also 2009 does work better narratively from valentino's pov, like it's the build up to catalunya specifically you can dramaticise... idk though, I do love catalunya but my heart isn't really in this exercise because I think valentino isn't really being... challenged here? it's a title fight where he's fundamentally using a set of tools he's already perfected, to beat a guy he doesn't really give a shit about. when the italian press is down on him pre catalunya, it doesn't spark any genuine self-doubt - it's just a handy source of extra motivation. there's no epic highs or lows that season, not real ones. and yes I know I was talking about making valentino who gets stabbed repeatedly to cover up an infection a moment ago, but that reflected real EMOTIONAL truths!! I'm committed to thematic fidelity more than I am to literal fidelity
genuinely I think the best way to tackle jorge is with the jorge/dani parallel journeys... what, film? tv show? maybe show actually - you don't have one coherent narrative Statement per se but you're constantly charting those journeys in reference to each other, really rooting it in their respective points of views, no neutral detached cinematic language like I want everything to be very much written to be from their eyes!! going from one to the other and back again. and you're charting these different journeys, right, and how they both captured different flavours of like... emotional successes and failures. I think it's actually about failure, yeah, about having to accept there's something you can't have and might never be able to get - whether that's universal love or a premier class title or whatever - but Actually, that might not be the end of the world. and during this process, they go from being enemies to tentative friends!! guys who realise they can maybe actually understand each other better than they thought!! this real moment of interpersonal connection. you have all these media narratives and the managers and so on and the fact they're competitors as these built in reasons why they've just been pitted against each other from the start... but y'know, again, it is also just a bit about maturing, about being able to set that aside, about making your peace with defeat and failure as an element of growing up. you can't win everything, maybe there's something you really really really want and you're just not going to get it, but at the end of the day it's kinda... yeah. self-acceptance. idk this is the nice one
so with marc you can go several different ways here I guess, and again he's also perfectly decent sports biopic material, probably second to casey in that category like yeah sure do the comeback story. but also, we do already have a very good self-produced documentary about what he thinks the narratives of his career are? idk this is also just a personal taste thing, I'll leave him to doing all the injury stuff himself, I don't have much to add there. we'll get to the obvious one in a second, but I was trying to figure out if there were other places I massively felt like you need the cinematic touch. and, again, the 2013 season is obviously very exciting!! but also, you have it covered in.,,,, multiple documentaries, I don't feel I have a take their either? his rivalries with dani and jorge aren't really substantive enough to sustain a bit of cinema. dovi... I mean, what are you saying there? what's the arc? I feel like if I tackled dovi, I'd go somewhere else and really go all in with the ducati stuff, and make it a bit more... you know, stark, stripped back, basically just the emotional component of how much he gave to that project and how he managed to beat away one rival after the next and how it all ended up falling apart in a kind of anti-climactic way? he's also good sports biopic material, but in a way I think the marc rivalry is the bit of his story I have the least to say on. so eg, 2017 is a dramatic season, but he's also kinda fine after it? he always knew it was a long shot, he tried his best and he got really close and then he lost. you can't amadeus it because dovi isn't (fictional) salieri. basically, I think what I'm saying here is that dovi is too well-adjusted to feature in this post. though I'd totally watch a film about his 250cc seasons, like it's a bit annoying because HE is the underdog who loses both title fights to jorge, but it'd still be kinda fun idk. I wouldn't really know what to do with the material but if someone made the film I'd absolutely watch it
right then. the thing about sepang 2015 is... yeah, sure, of course you can do it, it already exists as a narrative but... yeah, what are you adding!! idk I always think when you're adapting something, you kinda need to have a reason for it? I mean, what are you doing that's not already there in the footage? idk maybe this is just a sign of having been a fan of this sport for one too many years but to me the idea of sepang 2015 can get a bit boring (or maybe just repetitive) where I need a new TAKE on it to really get into the idea of fictionalising it. like where's the auteur's touch y'know, what can I still add to this!! but it also needs to WORK for someone who is new to the story, which kinda just makes you want to tell the story straight.... y'know the story is strong enough and COMPLICATED enough to stand on its own and it IS good but I don't really have anything interesting to say beyond 'yeah sure that'e be neat'. I can't tell you why, but I also don't think the casey approach quite works here? the idea of providing a framing device with which valentino and marc can actually talk to each other... eh. don't like that. hm. okay wait actually I just turned it around in my head for... a while and I think I've got an idea to make the worst motorcycle racing film of all time. so, my central stupid film-making gimmick here is just. centring the fact we're completely reliant on a few guys and what they're telling us in making up our minds, and our removal from that story and the imperfection of their perceptions and so on. so I think you kinda make a point of... not actually showing the motorcycle racing? like, you always show it by showing other people watching it, you're showing the tv screen rather than the actual racing. even in the cinematic medium, you're centring the theatrical aspects, where you drill it down to just a few characters. valentino. marc. uccio. marc's fuck ass manager. maybe a crew chief or two. keep it limited though, all the others are kept at a distance - you're constantly focusing in on the same few characters. and very early on you basically just like... get them to fourth wall break by telling you, the viewer, with their actual words how racing works for them, what meaning they take out of it - and again it's this remove because we're never allowed to actually feel the racing for ourselves (no helmet cams), and it sets up that as the tragedy unfolds, again and again we're just hearing from them what happened. it's all zoomed in on how claustrophobic the entire situation is, like doing the race direction room after the sepang 2015 is perfect for that kind of thing, and crucially they're only ever addressing the audience because they can't address each other. but fourth wall breaks also obviously draw attention to artificiality! I realise they are very much like, lame gimmick central, but also are these men not inherently about lame gimmicks... idk it's basically the same story but at least it feels like a kinda interesting way of telling it. kinda trite, but cinema allows you to get to the point and let valentino actually play with the camera... so literally take it into his own hands and lead it around and tell the story from his point of view. and you can play with how they do both change in what stories they think they're telling, how they're constantly revising their own stories, how their stories completely clash with each other... like. make them literal narrators. that's my pitch
so. one interesting pattern that has come up with my approaches to these rivalries is that with the exception maybe of the 2015 stuff, I feel like I'm more naturally inclined to treat valentino as a narrative device and centre his rivals. a big part of this is that valentino is a fantastic narrative device. he's kinda. this looming presence in every narrative in this sport where you can just sort of use him as a sort of way to poke away at all these other riders. the monster everyone loves who you are trapped with. BOO!! he's gonna eat you! which is fun! but ALSO, crucially, several of these rivalries aren't that emotionally challenging for him!! again, with casey right, he wants to beat him, but he's not having a crisis of faith over losing to casey. he thinks casey is annoying, he wants to beat him because he wants to win. valentino is casey's foil, but casey is not valentino's. valentino makes for an excellent personal antagonist to casey, but the reverse just isn't true. casey isn't forcing valentino to reexamine his approach except 'ramping up the levels of being a dick on-track' - like, yes, that's a serious competitive challenge, but also valentino is very comfortable in his own skin in that rivalry. sure, you could have valentino have some kind of massive revelation about the casey rivalry, but like. he doesn't in canon. he changes his behaviour towards casey in pretty predictable ways depending on what the relationship demands from his perspective at any given time. there's nothing more there
now, obviously you know where I'm going here. there IS a rivalry where you can make the argument he changes as a result of it, there IS a rivalry that tips him over the line and makes him to do stuff he hadn't done before that, there IS a rivalry that happens to coincide with a period of his competitive life that challenges him both personally and professionally. now, look, I have already talked about the sete rivalry. you know what I think about this rivalry - and if you don't, I really already have told the story here and here and here and here and also here. I think this works perfectly well as a narrative in its own right, and it's one you can tell from either perspective... but you kinda need both. I think again you probably naturally lean towards starting it from sete's perspective and that first proper meeting (I mean, idk if it is their first actual meeting, but it's the logical obvious place you start this story) with sete giving valentino advice during his first 500cc test and valentino just, y'know, ignoring him and being a cocky shit and then crashing. so you get to see sete being kinda exasperated by the whole thing. also, obviously ibiza is like, a key framing device here, like it's the most obvious in-your-face way of tracking their relationship with each other. I don't actually know how often they partied there together, but it must have been at least twice and if the commentators are to be believed it must have included 2003. artistic license and you can add one or two more times, but mainly you want to focus in on 2003 onwards right. so you've got this 2002 one where it's, y'know, high point of their friendship and in the name of narrative efficiency, you establish here that sete is looking to make the honda switch. the emphasis is on how valentino has been winning everything but on the flip side you're getting the first insight into his discontent. and there's a bit of a vibe of, what could you possibly have to complain about? like you are winning so much? so it's late one night where they've had this slightly unguarded alcohol-fuelled moment of genuine vulnerability but in the end it's actually characterised by how... unsubstantial the link between them is, because they wouldn't talk about this kind of thing with each other and they might both be similar in some ways but also don't gettttttt each other. it means you can return there as a location in 2003, where you've just had sachsenring and valentino's dramatic loss but they're still partying together and it's like. obviously In The Air that not everything is quite right... their relationship is already gradually altered and twisted because you're introducing this element of actual stakes and competition (obviously in 2004 they do NOT spend that time together, as far as we know anyway, and you can show them being very much not together at ibiza as a very obvious Oooh Things Will Fall Apart and maybe already haveeee)
and I do think basically I've already said what I think the themes here are,,,, several times by this point, so I'm not going to belabour the point. I think all of this fundamentally works as a narrative with like, minimal massaging and rearranging of the elements for dramatic effect. it's all there already, everything from sete's arc with the [insert non-tasteless way of covering a real life tragedy that fundamentally alters the course of sete's career] and how that leads to sete becoming the challenger and how he does want to win and his eventual downfall. with valentino, you have the element of liberation and self-discovery and... well, growing into your own but also kinda having the narrative drawing attention to how 'growing into your own' can involve becoming a fully realised character who is essentially quite cruel? you have this kind of... build up, right, towards this moment of revelation, where you lay bare who these two people actually ARE at sepang 2004, and then again at jerez 2005. valentino has gone his own way, he has freed himself from the chains of honda, he has embraced individualism and the chance to define himself and his own legacy and stand on his own two feet and not rely on the strongest bike or all this stuff within honda where they chose him as their flag bearer, for better or for worse... like he comes to his own here! he takes the step from 'great rider' to 'legend' because he gets to this dramatic moment of stepping into the unknown, he takes this massive risk that could have cost him so much, and it ends up elevating him. but it also puts him under duress, and in that moment he reveals himself - whatever sete did or did not do at qatar 2004, EVEN IF sete did all that shit, what you are left with is valentino vowing to ruin this man. valentino uses sete to make himself 'better', to fuel himself as a competitor. valentino turns sete into a tool in his own story. and again, thematically you've got all this stuff about how sete was managing the image of the rivalry and how valentino took advantage of that - how sete needed it to remain respectful and valentino was completely willing to abandon that. like, you have two protagonists who really are similar in quite a few ways, who think they have this shared understanding with each other, but when it comes down to it? they end up being super painfully different
now I can go on about this and how to play it straight, basically, you can just do that rivalry and I think it'd be cool and fun and very easy to arrange in a good narrative way. BUT I've kind of already. done that. like I don't want to suggest a film that is basically a nicer version of my tumblr posts. so I want to take this in a slightly different direction, and I think what we need to consider with this rivalry is this: what if you made the curse literal? basically, what's always kinda charmed me about this rivalry is that the curse should not work and all the misfortune that befalls sete after that is so comical that it's kinda... what do you do with that? and the answer is you just lean all the way in. my pitch is this: what if valentino sells his soul to the devil?
so, you know faust, right, and you know the bit at the start of goethe's faust where god and mephistopheles are basically making a wager over how corruptible this one human is. and faust is like... he's kinda disillusioned, he feels that everything he's dedicated his life to in academia is fundamentally hollow, gets very close to committing suicide. and faust has gone a bit new age-y, gotten into all this mystical shit and he's got this pentagram that ends up preventing mephistopheles from leaving his presence in their first meeting... and basically what the devil can give him is like, the chance to attain some true pleasure, and for that faust is willing to bet everything - so if faust can just have that, then maybe eternal damnation is worth it. and look, I'm not going to summarise the entire plot of faust here and it does go off the wall a bit with all the gretchen stuff, but the point is you have this version of the devil who is fundamentally a cynic and is attempting to win an argument with god by making this human succumb to his own nihilism. and what faust basically does is like, abandon his normal life where he's trying to live by normal virtues and goes off on this journey with the devil. and there's this little moment where mephistopheles,,, pretends to be faust and takes on the role of an academic adviser (you know how it is) and seduces this random student away from the word of god and sends him down a wretched path, which ends with this bit:
Tumblr media
like, a big part of faust's tragedy is supposed to be about... well, hubris, of the relationship of god to man, of no longer being afraid of the devil... and obviously, this is all framed very much in terms of religion, but at the end of the day it's also about, you know, having purpose - faust is living a life that no longer has any meaning to him, all of his knowledge and studies now no longer fill the void inside himself. his nihilism opens the door for mephistopheles, and is what makes him willing to accept the devil's terms. now, and I am so very sorry to goethe here, I think we have some material we can use here to explore the valentino/sete rivalry. obviously, you can't do a one-to-one, you need to get rid of some of like, the depression and all that - there were times when valentino was feeling 'a bit low' in 2003, but not 'faust thinking everything he'd done in his entire life was pointless' low, yeah? also, unless you want to do a real long view here and even then it can't really be justified, there obviously isn't really a 'tragedy' here from valentino's perspective. like, he wins! this isn't valentino's tragedy, it's sete's! I was being a bit facetious when I said he was 'selling his soul to the devil', and you can kinda parse mephistopheles' motivations in different ways depending on what flavour and what interpretation of him you're dealing with here. you don't 'damn' valentino, you essentially just turn him into a tool of the devil!
so, this is how this works out in my head: the devil works more broadly as the manifestation of competitive impulses, the kind of 'how far would you go to win' question as a bloke who shows up and literally talks to the characters about it (magic of cinema). he's also engaging with valentino feeling like his victories no longer having meaning, with being disconnected from honda and from the entire culture there and just feeling like he's going through the motions. there's this element of like... opening the door to what is essentially a journey of self-actualisation, bringing him closer to being a 'god' but also allowing him to fully come into his own and become himself. to win on his own terms. I reckon ibiza is my preferred narrative device where the devil talks both to sete and valentino there (separately), first literally as a mysterious stranger and then... maybe not? he's talking to them at times of their lives when they're not at ibiza and it's not happening there in the physical world and they both end up kinda having to confront they're dealing with some potentially malevolent supernatural entity. but the important elements of the devil is that a) he's not going to do anything the humans don't actually ask for themselves, and b) everyone knows he's following his own agenda and you should be careful of the requests you make of him. so it's kinda like... essentially, the backdrop of this rivalry unfolding is they're constantly being challenged to decide what lines they're willing to cross. which culminates at qatar... and maybe you do have sete making like. a teensy mistake. a teensy error in judgement, one that is both real and deliberate but he could not have known would get that reaction and instantly regrets. and valentino, who is I think inherently sceptical of the devil coming to offer to help him and maybe does crank out the pentagrams (remember, the whole point of faust is that he was too arrogant to be scared of the devil, or one of the points anyway), in a moment of fury does decide - no, actually. I will take that step. I will curse sete. now the thing is, dramatically this is a teensy bit tricky because when you're talking about being damned by the devil, usually the consequences are a bit more severe than 'not winning a motorcycle race again' (yes, you can get into how sete did also seem genuinely cursed after that, cf his ambulance/bus crash situation, but again we are flirting with being in poor taste in this tumblr post). but the thing is, right, you have to lean into the silliness here! qatar 2004 is inherently silly, a CURSE is inherently silly, like real life is already silly here! you have to engage with the people where they are, and for these athletes all this shit is so heightened that the emotions are full on. like, valentino would've sold that guy to the devil! and to him not winning another race is basically the worst thing that can happen
so, obviously, you get to do the actual curse stuff. curses are inherently campy fun, the devil doing curses is campy fun, getting valentino rossi to crank out the pentagrams is inherently campy fun. you get to play around with this, right, like you know that bit in the brno 2005 race commentary where the commentators are talking about how valentino might as well have a little radio to talk into sete's helmet to remind him of how sete had fucked up at the sachsenring. OBVIOUSLY obviously obviously it is just so... idk scrunchy and fun to have this idea of valentino becoming a malevolent enough force to literally do that.... like damn the commentators did kinda eat with that?? ughhhhhh do you ever think about sete leading the qatar 2005 race for most of the way???? like that's SO fucked up because you literally have articles from about the race going 'hey maybe sete can break his curse' and then the commentators are talking about curses having one year expiration dates but obviously they!! do not!!!!! there's one race where sete goes off track and the commentators are talking about how valentino will surely have smiled into his helmet like that's so fucked!! it's so fucked!! but idk I think basically you have all this creeping curse-y stuff and devil stuff and then you get this twist and then it just becomes misery zone for sete until you sort of. compress the timeline and have him retire without getting into what happened at the end of 2006. and valentino just relishing in all his very worst emotions. and you've got sete who was the better man after jerez 2005, who took the high ground again and again and again and it did NOTHING for him.... and then he's cursed and his career is finished and the devil has had his fun getting mixed in with mid noughties motogp. and now obviously this is inherently kinda dumb and corny and silly but it's the devil!! mephistopheles to me is allowed to get up to dumb shit sometimes, let him have some fun!! idk I like curses being literal idc
I think the obvious critique here is 'this doesn't really feel like it gets the message of faust'. which, yes, is true - and obviously the way narratives are structured, a satisfying resolution isn't 'well selling your soul kinda slaps, actually'. and my statement to respond to this argument is as follows:
Tumblr media
this is essentially canonically what happened. valentino DID do something kinda evil and it DID work out 100% for him and it DID kinda slap. at least when you add in the devil, you're making explicit the bit where it is a little bit bad. also, is sports not inherently about selling your soul for success... the story of valentino and sete is essentially about how we are twisted by competition, how pretending that we don't wish ill to our opponents is inherently dishonest. it is about lifting a facade for something that is already inherently there in the souls of men. this is obviously inherently a deeply cynical stance, but this is also a deeply cynical story beyond all the fun battles and camp dramatics. the devil is a cynic and he is basically the point of view character of goethe's faust - he's the one who is positioned closest to the audience. sports is all about living out some of humanity's worst instincts in a relatively low stakes setting, which means we get a free pass to have fun with a deeply cynical story that goes 'maybe selling your soul to the devil is fine, actually'
do I stand by this stance? not really, but the whole fun of storytelling is that sometimes you can just be kinda mean. I think goethe would get it... you can tell which character he enjoyed writing the most
the OTHER way you can do this is centre everything around qatar 2004 as like,,, the mystery box element...... okay look I have now made two posts that go WAY too deep on the 'what really happened' element but I do loveeeeee the whole thing like I would just make a film about that very end of the season and we show it from all these different angles as different characters narrate what happened... like fuck all the riders I want to hear from whichever mechanic used the scooter... the gresini mechanic who gave evidence to race direction.... various honda higher ups the crew chiefs like this is jb vs juan martinez it's war!!! obviously you still have the same emotional/thematic hooks as the general rivalry does but idk I would have a LOT of fun figuring out how to structure that, I loveeee mysteries... maybe I'd write it as a mockumentary yeah..... this one's just fun
anyway. a lot of stuff going on in this post, huh! you can probably tell I didn't edit this much. my classic tell when I edit my tumblr posts is I remember how 'paragraphs' work. unfortunately all I have energy for are like. a bunch of rants about things in my brain. I think when tumblr tells you that you've reached the maximum number of characters per paragraph and you need to figure out where to put a break, it's probably a bad thing? on the whole, my stance is I don't have anything AGAINST mildly fictionalised versions, but for me I'm always more of a.... well I want to take advantage of the full specificity of the events as they happened or just come up with a completely original story. kind of person. I know this ask probably wasn't looking for my 'what if you bled out valentino as he's strung up above a red motorcycle' vision but yeah. with a lot of biopics I'm always a bit 'well you could just read about this couldn't you' like I need stuff to take some kind of a stance on the material it's using... all my stuff takes a stance. that's all I've got. obviously all these stances mean that basically none of these things could ever be made. and I know what I said above but if they called me up to write the casey stoner biopic script treatment, I would also do that. if you've actually read to this point, give me a shout - you're a real one and I love you
25 notes · View notes
apebellica · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Last night I finally watched I saw the TV glow and, in a very short amount of time, It has become one of those movies that makes me both want to rewatch It over and over again and simultaneously pill my skin off. This movie has quikly became one of my favorites, hands down. But! It's so intense and terrifying and dense that I think I need time to fully digest it.
Right now I can only say that I have never seen something like this (ok, maybe yes if we count We are all going to the world's fair, Jane Schoenbrun's first film), I never consumed a media SO damn dysphoric. You can feel it, clearly. It's in the cinematography, in the script, in the lighting, this sense of incongruity, this feeling of "there's something wrong, something doesn't add up, life shouldn't be this way". It's insane how a viewing like that satisfied a deep desire inside of me and incredibly shook me at the same time. Themes such as isolation, nostalgia, escapism, dissociation and the fear of not being able to distinguish what is truly real are brought to the screen with an imagery so extraordinarily beautiful in all its horror that I really don't know what to say other than ... wow. The more I think about it, the more I feel understood by this film. It's a strangely thrilling and exhilarating experience. This movie, among other things, like I said erlier in this post, is about dysphoria. The type of dysphoria we feel pre coming out (to ourself and to others), before realising this is why we feel this way, before accepting it and before deciding what we want to do in terms of transizioning.
I think the final scene, above all, while extremely disturbing, is a perfect representation of that realization: it pictures the panic, the fear associated with it. The protagonist sees something they cannot unsee and, at this point, you can never look back.
Don't mistake me, being trans, being non-binary is beautiful (I absolutely don't want to be cis) but sometimes it feels like that, like in that final scene, when you can't breathe and all you want is to scream. When you feel distant from other people, not understood and, all you want to do, is to open yourself up.
So yeah... This are my 2.00 AM toughts on I saw the TV glow.
The only thing I can say right now is that I need to rewatch this movie multiple times.
Aaaaand if you have toughts on this movie or you want to discuss It let me know!
PS: plz forgive me if the english is weird, It's not my first language O⁠_⁠o
14 notes · View notes
Text
Everlark (Mockingjay, Ch. 11)
in CF, katniss thought that if peeta died, she would be broken beyond repair but her realising snow's latest horror is what really does it: peeta being tortured to get at her. and she really begins breaking
"the pain over my heart returns. and from it i imagine tiny fissures spreading out into my body. through my torso, down my arms and legs, over my face, leaving it criss-crossed with cracks. one good jolt of a bunker missile and i could shatter into strange razor-sharp shards" - her descriptions of her heartbreak are so vivid, my god
it's like katniss really avoids talking about her feelings of love for peeta at any opportunity. obviously her whole 'we're friends' thing in the first two books but in this book she is clearly devastatingly heartbroken but she can't give it a name even though she can describe in vivid intense detail how her heart feels. and she says in so many ways that she loves him without outright saying it, like here: "i find finnick, feeling for some unspecified reason that he will understand." what is that unspecified reason katniss???
the annie/finnick and peeta/katniss parallels again because finnick is broken in the same way that katniss is being broken now
finnick realising that katniss loves peeta, before katniss herself does/can put a name to it. he's so real for that. (i think it's true for everyone in katniss's life because i know gale/prim/haymitch/her mother etc knows she loves peeta like that too)
i know finnick says that he's not saying in what way she loves peeta but i think it's clear, especially with the parallels with him/annie but i appreciate that he gives her this space.
but i think this is a turning point for katniss where she's able to admit to herself that she actually LOVES loves peeta, as in she's in love with him. finnick telling her that she loves him is like the missing puzzle piece she needed. she needed someone to say it like that. and now she knows and accepts it herself. she doesn't question it, she just asks him how he lives with it. she allows herself to give her love its name.
including this whole paragraph because it's kinda funny:
As I turn to go suit up as the Mockingjay, I catch Gale watching me and Finnick unhappily. What now? Does he actually think something's going on between us? Maybe he saw me go to Finnick's last night. I would've passed the Hawthornes' space to get there. I guess that probably rubbed him the wrong way. Me seeking out Finnick's company instead of his. Well, fine. I've got rope burn on my fingers, I can barely hold my eyes open, and a camera crew's waiting for me to do something brilliant. And Snow's got Peeta. Gale can think whatever he wants.
katniss is so fucking done with gale and his nonsense. "what now?" like she is breaking apart because peeta is being tortured in her name and then there's gale thinking her and finnick are flirting. complex character etc etc but gale is irritating and he needs to get a grip.
boggs confirming that peeta's warning helped district 13 in evacuating earlier - again peeta saving katniss and the people she loves, at a great risk to his own life.
finnick and haymitch are really her people in there, in 13. feeling what she feels. looking out for her. comforting her. the fact that whenever she looks at finnick, she essentially sees herself reflected back. because he too cares about peeta, and shares her suffering in regards to worrying about annie. gale doesn't come close to the friendship and support they offer.
she decided to use being the mockingjay to save peeta's life and now she realises that being the mockingjay will directly harm him and it's all just too much.
"but in the end, the only person i truly want to comfort me is haymitch, because he loves peeta too" - i think this is the first time katniss actually admits she loves peeta, and i think her earlier conversation with finnick plays a big part in it. like it all just clicked for her. and she truly knows it now. and there's no going back.
haymitch sitting by her bedside when she wakes up. that's his kid for real.
the fact that finnick lost it just after katniss did and had to be sedated too. what a broken brady bunch.
109 notes · View notes
ddlcbrainrot · 7 months ago
Text
ok so i was feeling nostalgic today and started thinking about how my first time going through ddlc was so i’m making a post about it lol
buckle up this is going to be a long one
so i first heard of the game when it first came out in 2017, which means i was like… 12 years old?? so definitely should not have been watching it but what can ya do. anyway i’ve seen the title in a bunch of yt videos which described it as a horror game, and i was intrigued bc… 4 cute anime girls? how is that a horror game. i was too much of a scaredy cat to actually download it on our family computer so i watched some ddlc playthrough in yt. and i was so bored throughout the first half of act one lmao. i think i mentioned it before but when i first encountered the game i wanted to go the monika route, and i was so disappointed it wasn’t an option (until later on when i realised why it wasn’t an option). also the yt video i watched went down the yuri route and look, i didnt necessarily have a problem with the shy girl character type, what i did have a problem with (and still do to some extent) was how the shy girl is always portrayed in anime. i was definitely a shy person growing up, so seeing the traits that had caused me so many problems be considered adorable and desirable kinda irked me the wrong way. so yeah, first half of the game i was pretty unimpressed. i didn’t dislike it, i just thought “i’ve seen these character archetypes before, i know how this is going to play out, i’ll just wait until the other shoe drops”. and oh boy it did.
i remember that scene in sayori’s bedroom to this day dude. this is probably embarrassing to admit, but i honestly believe that scene changed the trajectory of my life. i live in a very uneducated country on the subject of mental health, so i had no idea on anything surrounding it. i’ve heard the term “depression” before, but it was only brought up either in a joking way or in a way of saying someone is too far gone. which is obviously not the case, but that’s how it was usually used back then in my environment. so to see a character that (even if i wasn’t as emotionally invested in bc of how tropey they were at that point) i liked talk about how they struggle with it was a very eye opening experience to say the least. it’s kind of funny thinking back, but i really was like “huh. depression is actually a real thing people can go through. and it could also be something people i care about have to go through. and something i could go through.”. it sounds dumb when i write it down but that was srsly how it was.
then act 2 happened, i don’t really have much to say about act 2 bc throughout the whole thing i was just uncomfortable and unsettled, which is definitely what act 2 is supposed to make you feel. natsuki was now somehow the most normal one, i didn’t like yuri even more now bc she was now also weirdly obsessive, i knew monika was up to something i just couldn’t wrap my head around what. a moment that stuck with me a lot during act 2 was the whole “can you hear me?” thing in monika’s second writing tip, bc wow this girl knows something and is also very clearly trapped by something and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? i literally had no idea where the story was going so the reveal hit me like a truck.
act 3… what to say about act 3… i was so mind blown you don’t even know. remember that i was like 12 at the time, this was my first ever experience with the media breaking the fourth wall. and from what i remember i had an… interesting viewpoint on it. i think there are two ways to interpret monika’s self awareness. first up is taking it under the context of the story, basically knowing that she isn’t actually self aware but for the sake of the story following along with the idea that she is. second one is taking it under the context of the behind the scenes, so you understand that she isn’t actually self aware but you can’t ignore it and just immerse yourself back in the story. it’s a risk the creator takes with breaking the fourth wall, bc the second interpretation usually ruins the idea behind the media. i had the second reaction to the awareness reveal. and i think it gives the game an entire new meaning, one that probably wasn’t the original one but i’d like to talk about it. the only thing i was able to think throughout monika’s monologues was : “oh crap. she thinks she’s self aware but in actuality she is programmed to kill her friends. she isn’t free from the script, she’s still following it. the creator just made her think she is aware but actually, she is just as much of a puppet as the other girls and she doesn’t even realise. she’s trapped in an even worse way than the other girls. bc she thinks she is free”. which, is definitely not what dan was going for, but i gotta say it is ten times scarier.
and then sayori goes through the epiphany too and then monika deletes the game and the credits roll but i was so flabbergasted by everything before that i couldn’t even form thoughts through act 4.
so yeah 12yo me was not only struck with the realisation that feelings are real things (thanks to sayori) but now also the thought that just because you experience something that could be 100% real to you doesn’t mean it actually is (thanks to monika). needless to say this game changed me as a person.
damn this was a long one, i apologise if you read through all of this lmao
24 notes · View notes
im-not-a-l0ser · 10 months ago
Text
Michie roommate AU ideas (part one probably)
Richie doesn't know Max is his roommate and he's shocked to learn Max can cook, especially when Max starts making meals specifically for him. Maybe he learns from Steph later that it's sort of a love language for him.
A Basic 'one room gets flooded, you're not sleeping on the couch, only one bed' situation.
This can go either way. One has a date and the other makes some shit up to seem less pathetic. From here, you can do two things. 1: The pathetic one has to find someone to go on a double date with him with and they end up hitting it off more than their dates. Or 2: The one with a date comes home dejected from being stood up or just having a shitty date and the pathetic one comforts them.
Richie gets out of a clearly shitty long term relationship and is heartbroken. Max goes on a rant about how Richie deserved better from the start, giving examples about what he deserves in a partner (which maybe Max so happens to do most of already) and how Richie is such a wonderful, adorable, passionate person who deserves someone great. And Richie sees him differently after that. And maybe after Richie says he'd kind of like to date Max, Max says he doesn't deserve to date Richie. He's not good enough. You go from there.
Richie comes down in cosplay clothes (not wig, maybe makeup) to eat [this is a real thing; cosplayers confirm] and turns out Max is kind of attracted to Richie when he's dressed like... whatever anime character that is.
Alternatively, Richie wears Max's clothes for a cosplay for because he's doing laundry. Max likes that too. Maybe he doesn't get those clothes back and he is Perfectly okay with that.
Richie showing Max an anime and they fall asleep on the couch together.
One of them really likes the others morning voice. And/or their sleepy voice.
TW: Max's canonic domestic abuse. Max has a panic attack when he realises he didn't clean his dish after dinner and he's convinced Richie’s going to yell at him when he goes downstairs, or break the plate over his head like some people might. Richie comes to his room, worried, to find him absolutely freaking out. This is when Richie finally confronts Max about his past with his father.
Horror movies. Like Saw or whatever, a lot of gore or torture. I dunno if It or something would work for this, since it's not very scary. Richie is very desensitized to them after watched Tokyo Ghoul, but absolutely didn't expect Max to be horrified by every scary scene.
We're gonna give It some credit now. Max and Richie have both seen It One before so they decide to watch it (maybe after watching horror movies Max can't stand) When they watch chapter Two Richie starts pointing out all the gay shit between Richie and Eddie. This changes Max’s like... whole life perspective. I think one or more Saw movies have gay shit too, but I havent seen any of them.
Max takes Richie out to drink after he turns 21 and Richie is absolutely plastered. Max finds the outgoing, idiotic Richie adorable, and sleepy drunk Richie charming. Richie is thankful for Max taking care of him for essentially two days in a row, with his hangover. He realises just how often Max takes care of him.
Classic "trying to convince you I'm okay with you moving out by complaining about your habits, mixing in 'it's so stupid that I find all this shit charming and don't want to live without it." Is that classic or am I making up a memory if seeing this before?
Max starts humming songs he's heard Richie play. Richue laughs and asks him if he knows those songs are in Japanese and Max is like "dude, I thought I was just being delusional." Not really a ship one, but funny.
Max getting jealous when Richie invites his friends over (potentially being alone with Trevor's bf, who's very attractive and has an accent) because he's used to getting most of Richie’s attention.
Max helping Richie dye his hair. That's it, very domestic. And maybe Richie helps Max dye his hair, idk.
Max starts leaving compliments on the bathroom mirror with dry erase marker for Richie since he struggles communicating verbally. Such as the following image. Richie doesn't take it seriously— he thinks Max is talking to himself— until Max finally compliments him randomly one day. He just stares for a while and Richie asks 'what is it?' And Max just says "you look really cute today." He leaves comments still and Richie doesn't know how to feel. Until he does.
Tumblr media
What follows is NSFW prompts. I'm not tagging it because it's blocked off. Tell me if this is a problem.
Max stars bringing home conquests with Richie’s permission. He regrets it immediately.
I really really tried to steer clear of dubcon stuff, but I suppose you can vary these however you want.
Max stars bringing home conquests with Richie's permission. He regrets it when he realises they share a wall and he starts getting off to the sound of Max talking during sex.
Max doesn't have a Halloween costume after being banned from celebrating it by his father. He has to borrow a cosplay from Richie— or maybe makes one for him, depending on what kind of cosplayer you consider Richie to be— and Richie is definitely attracted to Max like that. He shames himself for it until Max figures it out and asks to film with him in that cosplay. Things lead. (My go-to is an AoT harness thing, but yknow)
Classic 'ripped Max leaves his room with little clothes.' Or alternatively, Max is very attracted to Richie’s average body (potentially because it's his body)
Someone flirting with Richie at a bar and Max coming over and putting a stop to it. They're asked to kiss to prove it and Richie doesn't know what's really happening, but is really into it when Max kisses him. He doesn't know what to do when they get home. Especially when he thinks of it too much and maybe goes into Max’s room to continue.
Richie does a formal cosplay (whether that's a formal character like Sigma bsd or a black butler character, or just making a non-formal character dress formally) and Max is really into it.
Max keeps getting hard when he sees Richie all messed up from sleeping in the morning. Richie finds this out and laughs slightly at first, saying it's a little weird that he didn't just claim morning wood and be done with it, but he keeps doing it on purpose after that. He messes up his hair a little bit more in the morning and makes sure his pyjamas look disheveled. Max eventually finds this out and asks about it.
Richie catches Max masturbating to a cosplay thirst trap he posted (Richie didn't even know Max knew his cosplay account)
Richie really likes staring at Max while he's cooking and keeps wanting to mess with him while he does. He starts by just hugging him from behind but it leads to 'joke' groping and eventually more.
32 notes · View notes